TRICK OR TREAT

Firstly, we would all like to wish you a very spooky day on this Hallows Eve and as you can see I am in full character ready to scare any sprogs that decide to grace our door this evening with their 'Trick or Treat' mantra.  The great thing about Halloween is I get to steal loads of sweets from the little glass bowls (don't tell anyone!) I only ever take the jelly rings! 

For me it is a sad time because, Samhain or Summers End, really states that this is the last time for a few months at least, that my body will be warmed by the Orbs rays and the lack of Orb is sure to make me a bit grumpy to say the least.  But it is a time of feasting and harvesting so my tummy will enjoy this bit as Momma always makes a big stew to celebrate.  Although this year with all the damps and no Orb, our little harvest amounts to 3 soggy potatoes, 12 runner beans and 20 carots.  More of a carrot soup I would say and I am not really fond of carrot soup, but it is remotely better than pumpkin soup of which didn't grow either and all we had was 3 very poor squash.  

Now, ManSlave always gets very excited around Halloween and goes to town decorating his car.  This year he has fake ears and noses which he has adorned his grill with ::shakes head:: don't ask! He also has 'Uncle' who will sit beside him in the passenger seat making Momma have to sit in the rear seat.  Uncle is a zombie and every year he makes everyone scream.  This year, already, ManSlae has terrified Momma with a skeleton in the down stairs loo ::raise eyebrows::
He has gone to town with fake spiders and treats for the calling kids.  The worst thing about this bit is I get dragged out and squeezed in front of 20 or so groups of kids so that I YAWP and scare them all silly!  I only put up with it because I might get a jelly ring or two!  Maybe, just maybe, TomFun might like to be center stage this year and me in my Pumpkin outfit can take a back seat and watch the candy bowl.

I have spotted a big hairy spider under the sofa that I have been grooming for a few months now, I will haul it from it's hiding place under the sofa, lick it a few times, pull a leg off or two and leave it out for poor unsuspecting human to find in the morning.  That is sure to get a scream or two!

KS =^..^=

PAPARAZZI GOES TO HIS HEAD

If it isn't enough that TomFun the Megalomaniac thinks he is TopCat, but he now has seen his stud muffin of a body in the monthly cat magazine 'Your Cat' along side his adorable Sister Diva.  He now, at this moment, is strutting his AirBags about the place and saying 'I am famous'.  It really has gone to his head and has ordered lobster for his dinner (it will get substituted for white fish) and he has taken pride of place on the cat post and is shouting his orders among his staff.  ManSlave has already bent to his will as he too has his picture in the same photo.  It was the day ManSlave fell in love with TomFun, so together they are being a very demanding pair indeed.  Although, unless you knew it was ManSlave, no one may have noticed at all!

He has spent hours gazing at his image and deciding if he or Diva is the better looking.  He, of course imagines it's him... but with no clothes to speak of, we assume, in reality, it has to be Diva.  He can't believe he was that small once and is now a whopping 3k.  He is a veritable beast now and knows it!

I have to say that all this press excitement really did mar our Sunday Roast as I was the only one concentrating on winning a bit of the tasty Pork Joint.  This week there seemed to be many more vegetables than meat and we all got shunned from the lounge as the Parentals said they needed a meal where there were no Devon Rex's in it!  I don't know what they mean?  If the clocks hadn't gone back today they may have remembered lunch for us Felines on time, but no, there we all were fading away at the 'old' one O'clock!  

TomFun has alot to answer for today with his new found love 'himself'! If he had helped me YAWP at the appropriate times we may all be dining on lobster tonight instead of KittyKat!

KS =^..^=

CATCH ME IF YOU CAN

It may come as some surprise that the the Bubbas just can't keep still AT ALL!  They are off, zooming from hither to thither expressing themselves with chirrupy squeals of delight as they race, full tilt up and down, stretching their legs and their minds.

Trying to photograph such zoomsters is causing Momma some heartache as she would like them to pose gracefully for their photographs and their history book, but no.  It's not to be. Momma has resorted to cellotape and blue tac to make sure that there are some shots that pass as acceptable.  What will they be like next week?

Everyone is munching really well and I am sick and tired of seeing the even larger quantities of noms vanishing into the kitten room, never to be seen again.  At first there was no extra noms, now there are these little pink packets of 'cutsie' kitten meats and biscuits just evaporating before my eyes.  There are squeely noises and crunching going on in there.  My tummy is rumbling - it's just not fair!

KS =^..^=

THE KING OF KINGS

Oh that's it, it's gone to his head. TomFun has made his debut and is forever rubbing my nose in it.  About how he posed for the camera, ate a hearty banquet of Ham, was so well behaved when the Judge looked at him.  Oh all that stuff!

It transpires that he was actually quite nervous until the Ham turned up and was a little less polite towards the Judge than you may think.  He did do well and when ManSlave visited with the Ham, he sure did perk up and trot about and even did a stinky in his tray.

He was very popular with the ladies and they came and crooned over his lovely chocolate chops and tickled his chin and he wooed them with his blue eyes and drew them in for whiskery kisses and love puppetry! He did demonstrate some strutting of his AirBags that amused a few of you that visited and lots of you asked 'where is his fur'  well, it's growing!  Everyone else in his family are fuzzy and his body has changed so much that you surly can't do fur and muscle at the same time!

I, of course, am lovely and silky now and have a downy covering all over, thanks to my magical meds.  TomFun will soon surpass me in the fuzz department and boast about that too no doubt?  Well we shall state that Mr.Zeus has more fuzz than any of us and he should win 'paws down' in that department!

KS =^..^=

IN DEPTH LOOK AT LICKERS!

If us Felines had full cheeks like you humans, we could just suck up what was given to us on a plate.  But no, law dictates that we have to work harder in life and 'sucking up' in never a thing for a cat to work hard at.  You see, scientists thought that we lapped our milk like a dog (as if we would even be like a dog?) but no, we don't scoop, we sup! We perform a maneuver so fast that you slow poke humans cannot even see it with your naked eyes.  We extend our lickers into our milky whilst curling the tip backwards, so that only the spiky side makes delicious contact. We are so talented in the muscular hydrostat department that without even breaking the surface of our milky substance, we retract our lickers and pull the milky that adheres to the tip, upwards into our awaiting mouths in singular vertical column. When we finally finish our drink and successfully supped, whilst keeping our whiskers dry, we look like the cat that has got the cream!

Lickers are also used as an affectionate tool, rasping away our humans skin, to get skin deep, so to speak.  This is a big show of affection to us Felines and never to be taken lightly. We like to watch you wince and squirm beneath our sandpaper kisses.  We go on and on until you relent and try and stop us pounding away at the same spot, almost tasting you to the point of edibleness. You think it's love, we are opting for a free meal!

Lickers can be dangerous to our health when we sleep. We can loose valuable heat through a licker that is left carelessly danging out of the mouth.  It evaporates all of our lickness and can leave a very dry and uncomfortable piece of parchment in ones mouth.  This should always be noted by humans that instead of rushing for the camera, it would be nice to be woken up and not left to dehydrate!

Lickers, are of course, used in the removal of sticky items mainly from the 'rear'. It is certainly not ideal having to use the one thing in your body that is attached to the taste buds and I am sure most Felines would rather just brush their tail over such matters but alas, we are not so lucky.  So, to make sure that all everyone knows it a nasty business, we make sure that humans are brought up to speed by demonstrating it in front of their guests when they visit.  The owner no longer sees the distaste on your face, so we like to see it in theirs! Many a human friend has been won and lost by our charms 'on the dinner table' and I say, good riddance to those that can't hack it!

Lickers are formidable when it comes to cleaning and washing.  We spend hours a day grooming and preening our perfect coats, well maybe not me, I have but a few hairs! We make it all damp and delicious in all the right places.  Hours we spend laying down those cow licks and whols only for you humans to place your smelly dirty contaminated hands on us and say, "eww tiddles, you are all damp."  OMC! There you are, our lickers are exhausted after hours of hair placement only to be ruined in a flash by a careless human.  What do we have to show for it - sore licker muscles and a coat in a disarray. Talk to the paw!

KS =^..^=

AN ARRAY OF GIFTS

That's it, it's not fair - I want a litter of kittens too!  Have you seen the stuff you get when you have a baby shower?

Well Grand MewMew came over today and that meant that there was a Lamb in the oven from 8am. That meant a slow tortured roast Lamb that would fall off the bone and never into my mouth. That meant starvation and that meant  more Yawping. YAWP!

When Grand MewMew arrived she had with her a huge gift wrapped in the best play paper going.  Clear and crinkly and very very big and a great source of entertainment for young TomFun, although, this evening I did hide in there and nearly scared the 'Airbags' from his backside! Anyway, I digress. In this huge package was a wonderment of things I shall never get my paws on - well I did have a little scratch on the post and was promptly told "Slinky, that's not FOR you!" Oh well, at least I have scent marked it for my dearest Faith. Sniff you later baby!  So in the package was a scratching post to fit inside the Kitten Pen and a beautiful soft crinkle bag I could have rolled into and some amazing giraffe toys on sticks with feathers and tickley bits! There was a tweeting egg, but I broke that when I sniffed it and walked off in distaste because it was, in my mind, pointless and pink!  TomFun had a special toy - a TomTeaser.  He is just in his element and keeps laying it on the parental's feet to play fetch with.  He is persistent to say the least!  I did notice that there weren't any snax (not that we are allowed them) but I mean, fancy not filling everything with Noms, that's all I live for! Selfish and thoughtful in equal amounts Grand MewMew.

Faith did her very best to make sure everything was safe for her Bubbas and tested everything out so that she can set the limits for the babies.  She is constantly telling them off for climbing about the place, but she was exactly the same at her age.  Do Parents forget they were kids once?  I am no great fan of play things, but I do love my CatNip, so I am off to roll about on some and get better acquainted with my 'Inner Cat'.  Peace dudes!

KS =^..^=

THE BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!

We got news on the ground floor today that we have a new addition to our little Pride.  I know you all know about the Bubbas, but we were not sure if we had made it clear that some one might actually stay forever and ever.

Today, the post arrived in Momma's in-box and Momma was all nervous about opening it because it could decide who was to stay and who has to leave our home.  She left it for a little while whilst she went over the possible outcome of the DNA sample results.  After much shaking and thinking, she opened the letter which read that Lillibet is to stay in our house and the delightful and naughty Minimii is to go with her Brother to Ireland.  Minimii has now been renamed Jasmine, which really suits her and Lillibet is over the moon because she already loves her name. Every one in the Pride is really happy that little Lillibet will stay and live with us, especially Momma as they had already formed a bond and she had said she didn't want to leave.

ManSlave said that obviously Momma is going slightly mad as she can hear all of us speaking and heard Lillibet say that her name was Elizabeth even! I of course think that Momma is perfectly fine and glad she can hear us all other wise we might starve! YAWP. He was telling Our Uncle Paul (the holiday feeder) this the other evening and they were both making whirly finger gestures against their temples.  I thought this very rude indeed.  Especially, as ManSlave was caught doing a rendition of 'Baby, I Love You' in the stylie of Barry White to the Bubbas! Mmmm...  so just because he claims he doesn't hear any of us doesn't mean he should drown out our telepathic tendencies with THAT!  Although, to be fair, it was pretty hysterical.  

"Oh yeah, baby. Baby, I - love - you. Yeah, baby. I do. Yeah, Oh yeah baby baby baby I loooooove you." Followed by kissy kissy noises and another "Baby, yeah".


Paws over mouth for a big fat snigger!

KS =^..^=

FOOT WORSHIP

Non of us are really quite sure about TomFun's new love - Momma's feet!   I have tried and tried to tell him that it is just not proper to be a podophilia at so young an age.  I mean a foot fetish at 8 months old is really not the right direction for a stud cat at all!  He doesn't agree with me and tells me "Uncle Slinky, if I can't get women to love me just by my good looks, then I shall worship their feet until they give in through pain and anguish." He did take up 'chin-worship' but the licking and the nipping got on Momma's nerves, but secretly I know it's only because his breath smells of fishy!

He has been doing a bit of 'Arm-Worship' on ManSlave, who at first thought it was sweet until he grabbed ManSlaves wrist, twisted about and proceeded to 'blow-up' his AirBags and growl.  This was too much for ManSlave and has accused TomFun of debauchery - tut tut TomFun, you don't want to get into ManSlaves bad books he has a 'twitchy palm' just like Mr. Grey (50 shades of grey).  Maybe that's it, maybe TomFun thinks he is a megalomaniac too.  He does have these tendencies which at first we just thought were antagonising, but now, he really is showing delusional fantasies of power, relevance and omnipotence!

Mr. Zeus has been getting it in the neck and poor 'Security Cat' doesn't know if he is coming or going half of the time.  He is being chased from pillar to post and then set upon with a clobber and THWAK.  Mr.Zeus dare not say anything, because jobs are hard to come by these days and it's probably just the thought of a new boss that sends him running.  I think TomFun has sided with me because of the 'Family Business' and he knows which side his bread is buttered (Mmmm buttered bread!) and Family stick together.  Once Faith resumes residency again, all the tables will be turned and this little punk will either go from strength to strength or be shot down to size!

Oh well not long on that front, only 4 weeks to go before the house can resume some normality and I can have my beauty queen back again - I hope!

KS =^..^=

INTO THE LIGHT

Oh my, here we are, TomFun and I, basking in early morning Orb Pools.  The heat in lovely and we let the warmth radiate over our bodies. Scientists tell us that us cats can't get any vitamin D directly from Orb Rays, but I beg to differ.  I feel much, much better after a few moments in the bright stuff. So good that I can have me a little race about the house and let the frisky out of my feet.

It annoys me that when you place your order and tick the box marked 'Much Orb' and it doesn't even make an appearance during the Summer,  you feel some what let down and a little darn right annoyed. It's a THWAKKABLE offence in my opinion and very, very selfish of the 'Man Upstairs' to deny us of this right.  I spend 365 days a year orb Worshiping to receive just snippets of the bright stuff and then infrequently.  I feel let down and wonder why I am being punished for all my hard worshiping?  Either I have to try harder to please my Orb or I am to turn the colour of a Beluga Whale through under exposure! Oh wait!  I am that colour already, brilliant white!  TomFun is not fairing any better as his whites are whiter than white too! Even Faith & Mr. Zeus are black, black I tell you - not an ounce of brown Orb damage between them.  Something has to be done to improve things around here or I am going to start Night Orb Worship and YAWP all night long - that is sure to get Mr. Upstairs's attention - well it will certainly get the Parentals attention and really, the wrath of Momma at 2am is really not worth the hassle!  

Thinking caps on for this one and a S.A.D light has to be installed soon or I am to go eternally crazy this Winter and you don't want to see me crazy! This could get ugly!

KS =^..^= 

ALL SWEETNESS AND LIGHT