Since the days of King Slinky, everything has been locked away that relates to us Rex.  We have designated cupboards which are locked from our prying paws.  We have mastered most devices that have been placed on the doors to keep us out though until a month ago when Momma started using hair bands figure of eight style around the knobs and bingo, our great break in attempts were thwarted.  However, being purrsistant and devious, Flaire and Mae have managed to undo even that contraption which allows us access to the treats within.  She sends Mae, who is small and nimble into the dizzying heights of the top shelf to source out packets of treats and throw them down.  

Momma cottoned onto the fact that this had been happening as ManSlave was always complaining that Mr Elton's snacks were missing.... How odd?  Hmmm, on closer inspection of the cardboard makeshift castle under the kitchen table, packets, upon packets of ducky treats were found chewed and all the snack gone.  That put an end to hair ties closing the doors.  So this week, there has been a new lock - SHRIMPAGE!

Not two days later and ManSlave is highly perplexed at a newfangled contraption stitching our doors closed, so much so he couldn't gain entry to his cereal boxes and had to ask me how to undo it.  I show him....  "You see that red and yellow toy prawn with it's antennae eaten off?" I mewl at him smacking my paw at the Prawn.  "Well, you get him by his tail and poke his head through that loop twice."  He does it and the shrimp gets tighter and it's face contorts into a pinch, the prawn, not ManSlave. "Not that way dummy, we tried that way.  You poke him the other way.  There, that's it, you are doing it."  It becomes slack and I tap it again and cry out "Now unhook the yellow elastic and you are in and beyond that the treats lie."  He opens the cupboard, retrieves his box of oats and quick as a flash Mae is in it's place poking about on the top shelf.  ManSlave blindly shuts the door and replaces the shrimp AND DOESN@T GIVE ME A TREAT.  I shall be sick on the floor later to 'attract' his socked foot to!!!!

Ten minutes later there is a banging at the door and there we all are, humming up at the cupboard for Mae to be released.  Flaire tries the shrimp, she twists him too far and his head looks fit to pop off but the banging stops.  Has she run out of air in there?  Nope, it's OK, it's the shrimp keeping the doors tightly closed.  We look aver at ManSlave, he is just ploughing through his oats and reading the paper.  We are not sure how much longer she can survive in there on her own.  Flaire goes over, plonks herself on his paper and we all begin to hum louder and ManSlave takes notice.  He stands up, scratches his head, takes a step towards us, places his bowl down, rubs his tummy and decides another small portion of oats won't hurt.  He fights again with the shrimp, who by this time is feeling quite dizzy, and opens the door.   

Mae parkours from the top shelf over ManSlaves shoulder and around the kitchen at high speed, twisting, flipping and bouncing everywhere.  Obviously too many E-numbers in those treats!! ManSlave is taken aback and actually 'checks' the inside of the cupboard in case any more of us appear out of cereal boxes? Thankfully, he is satisfied and forgets to have another serving of oats and neither do any of us GET A TREAT!!!  We are keeping his mind sharp as a tack don't you know - that, or sending him slowly mad....

Yesterday, ManSlave went out hunter gathering and brought us home a free range chicken.  Not out usual Red Legged Leicester as the breeders slowed down when the bird flu was rife.  So he chased this one around Morrisons apparently and subdued it in the snacks isle.  I shall keep a close eye on it in our hot box in case it does a Mae and begins an athletic jaunt about the kitchen. This wee beastie is mine and I shall keep my paw on it's progress throughout the day. It's browning body gives me quite the bird buzz.  Don't worry, there are carrots, green beans, potatoes and tiny Brussels for the faint hearted.  

I shall bid thine fare-thee-well and have a wonderful Mothering Sunday to all my lovely ladies out there.  Your Queen Vee =^..^=
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This week has been exceptionally dull with a capital D!  Momma did a dumb thing and did too much exercise and hurt her back by 'turning over in bed'!  I mean, come on...who does that?  I wish I had been there to see it, it would have made me a bit giggly watching her writhe about.  There wasn't long to wait as ManSlave ordered her to STAY PUT and we were put on Nurse Duty and I had her all to myself in a big double bed for all of a few hours until everyone cottoned on.  She couldn't bend her neck to kiss me so i made sure she knew I loved her and stood square on her chest and gave her a face massage with my whisker pads and vibrated my healing energy right into her scull.  I am sure this is what makes her feel better despite the fact she was gasping for breath. 

Flaire was next to join us after making a huge racket dragging a wiggly worm toy, complete with fishing line and rod into the bedroom to 'gather the troupes',  After muffled mewling like a Mummy cat, Wormie dangling from her mouth, she took her place next to me and we snoozed and kept the bed warm.  Gazoo made her comfort on the stool, precariously balanced front legs outstretched on a heap of newly folded bed sheets atop a box which was later to tumble off and leave her scrabbling like a rock climber on Everest. Her crampons dug deep and she managed to gain purchase and carry on her somewhat uncomfortable nap.  

Eros and Mae were relegated to the bottom half of the bed, they are the youngest and the top section, 'near Momma' is held only by the toppity toppiest of Rex and Flaire and I earn that position.  We 'allow' them to be on the bed and a look can shift them off if they get too silly and boisterous.  However, this particular day has them relaxed and sedate after copious amounts of chase through the house.  All you can see is a flash of blue followed by a flash of cream then on the return journey, a flash of cream followed by a flash of blue then a tumbling, twining and usually screeching ball of fur rolling about on the floor. 

Faith joined Momma on the first day and lay, squished up to her so that no one else could even slide their library card between them and we all had to shuffle down a tad so as not to get laid on.  She is a bit of a Brahma when it comes to her space and hisses right in your face and you move, just like that, no questions asked.  On the second day of resting, Faith and Lillibet joined ManSlave in the lounge as they felt sorry for him having been devoid of the company of any cats.  Now we can't have that now, can we?

By huge surprise, mainly as she is known to have a tinky winky on the carpet, was SaBreena joining us.  She crept in, asked Momma politely if she may stay and spent the first half of the day on the windowsill watching the snow fall and the other half at the bottom of the bed with the the youngsters.  That took some courage on her part and much grumbling and huffing until everyone stopped staring.  She finally settled and snoozed happily with us all.  It was such a rare occasion that anyone passing her had to have a little sniff.  I think it is the first time since she had her last litter of kittens that she has made any effort to be part of the family.  She is usually very aloof and spends her days watching Horrible Horraces in the garden.

After a week of much the same I must say it's been very quiet.  I did muster up a small puddle of sick ready to surprise ManSlave's sock, but he managed to not step in it once, nor did he notice the floor coloured pile for some days until it dried to a crisp and then it got stuck to his sock.  By then, the joke was lost and it paled into insignificance. 

Momma is finally up and about, so we are being naughty again, fighting, pushing, shoving, vying for attention.  LOOK AT ME...LOOK AT ME...... She always makes life more exciting and we get fresh toys and beds are washed and life resumes.  Today is a regular Sunday.  Bed changing, vacuuming and lunch in the oven.  For speed and ease, she dug into the freezer for short ribs and quality root veg.  We shall wait some time until it all turns silky and delectable. Will we get any?  Probably not, but if Faith, Lillibet and I sit quietly on the arm of her chair whilst she eats it, we may get a finger-full of gravy each.

Until then, we are causing mischief in the office.  My space has been taken up by Faith, Momma's right hand girl today, on my blankie by the computer.  I am having to throw my ideas from across the office.  Luckily, we had a mid morning mind meld and most of my ideas were sent then.  Mae and Eros are into the recycling bins.  They are currently empty and providing free entertainment as they crash from one to the other.  Elton can be heard through the open window yelling his Sunday sermon to the neighbourhood.   Lillibet has the sun spot by the window and is swearing at anyone who ventures anywhere near it.  Gazoo is falling about the place on her head, slithering around the bins with the youngsters and very strangely back in call despite the NEUTER-UM chip?  SaBreena nips in and out, smiles at Momma and trills her tail then potters off.  Flaire is with ManSlave, sucking up and helping him read the Sunday papers by sitting on them. 

So as you see, all has returned to normality and normal business resumes.  Until next week folks.  Be good to each other.  Your loyal Queen Vee =^..^=

Us cats purr to show that all is well with our little lives. We purr when we are hungry, when we are loving our humans and to self sooth falling into a kitten like stupor reminding us of suckling our own Mummy cats at the milky bar.  We can purr if we are injured or in pain, or we can just bite you to let you know 'that's sore.'  

I have a special rumble like a matriarchal elephant, deep and meaningful.  I like to increase tempo with food offerings but mainly I save my purrs for Momma.  As I sit here and type this with her and watch the cursor trip across the page as my thoughts flow from my hippocampus to hers, I increase my purrage so that she has to look at me.  I turn my body from the angle poise lamp to face her, lift my head to catch the light and make our sniffers align and then a short mind meld..  My purr increases to a funny wheezing triple purr where the 'in and out' breath both play different notes and she is mesmerized by me.  It is right now that I swipe my inner lip across the tip of her sniffer and leave my scent on her.  She invariably will open her mouth in a gasp (or coo) and it is NOW that I poke my muzzle into her grub hole and rev up my engine and let the full force of my purr vibrate her entire head with a fantastic reverb.  The timing has to be exact and once it is done, she is mine forever and we can keep on kissing and creating our written works together - as one. 

Some of us here at Maystar HQ are a little harder to 'get going' and Flaire is one of those special girls.  She is ManSlave's girlfriend but Momma has to play 'tease' before he gets cuddles with her. She likes a little botty smack and ear munches, then she begins to mewl and trots over to her man and rumbles away.   If her purr should accidentally stall, she races over to Momma again for a quick fire botty slap and ear munch and she is off again, round and around his head, wiping her dense coat all over his face, increasing his allergies. She is happy then to lay on his lap and gently simmers to a low vibration. 

Eros has no trouble purring.  His software had a upgrade and the purr switch was selected to on with no way to turn it off.  It is very sweet really despite being the annoying little bar-steward that chasing us.  When you finally catch him, pin him down, the little git purrs and you end up washing his face and nibbling off a few whiskers for good measure.   Being of the same Family, Elton can purr so loudly with a very manly rumble that he occasionally open mouth purrs for a louder variation.  This is also done whilst eating...I mean, who purrs and eats? How does he not choke?  Those two are like a pair on tuning forks, touch them on the head and away they go...

Mae is a lovely purrer.  She is a very serious Rex, and can be sat there with mission on her face but if she is touched, she melts into a puddle of a blue and white rumbling mess.  She is a funny quirky kid that one and has lots of bizarre habits such as appearing, as if from nowhere, when the water is run from the fridge..  She runs straight up ManSlaves legs and waits for him to give her, HIS glass of water!  The even funnier thing is she purrs whilst she drinks it and the sound reverberates around the glass and causes an echo to bounce back and she gets a mini sonic purrboom in her face. 

Lillibet purrs in only a few places in the house.  The bathroom wash bin, the second radiator bed, the office desk and the en-suite toilet.  She is the oddest of catwomen, always dashing at full speed everywhere or just floating like a Tibetan monk, in the office.  But her purr is enough to start a landslide and can be heard in Ohio where she is accidentally unearthing dinosaurs.  Faith is more sedate, gentle and princess-like and only purrs if 'you' deserve it!

SaBreena, despite her odd behaviour of lone wolf, purrs at the touch of her coat and will continue long into the evening where she will allow tummy kisses and have her purr felt through Momma's face.  Woe betide ManSlave if her kisses her belly -SUCKFACE - with her claws!!! Her Purr is deep and meaningful.  It makes her feel happy and she melts and languishes herself and air-kneads.  Definitely a self soother that one!  

Gazoo is selective about her purring and saves it mainly for Momma when she is subjected to being pounced and laid on, she rubs her ears around Momma's sniffer and Momma has to nibble them, and all the time she is purring so loudly and sort of squeaking too.  She also does a shouty purr in the en-suite where her favourite toy is kept, a feather toy with a wooden handle.  She likes to be gently smacked with that wooden handle whilst being tickled with the feathers.  She falls all over the place, standing on her head and slithering about mewling and purring and baaa-ing like a lamb for more.  She does purr for ManSlave, but only if he has ducky treats.  But you should hear all nine of us purr at the same time for ducky treats - now THAT is a spectacle not to be missed.  Standing next to my family, it's like being massaged from the inside out!

Well, it's that time of day again where beds are stripped and new sheets are replaced and we all cause crazy mad mayhem whilst Momma tries in earnest to straighten, flatten and tuck in sheets that we all dash about in a wild frenzy undoing her good work.  She will give up soon and then, to us, it's now boring.

We have a little bit of Wiltshire Horn in the oven today.  Momma trimmed it nicely so we can all have a little taste before she rolled it in garlic and some fancy French herbs kept in a hessian baggie.  For those veggies among you, wrap your lips around carrot and potato mash with nutmeg and cabbage with plant based butter. Go figure?   Me, I shall watch the little lambie having a day in our sauna and get me a little piece to gobble down as though I am half starved.  Enjoy your Sunday folks...

All my purrs to you all - QUEEN VEE =^..^=

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