THE HUNTER GATHERERS

Ahhh, Sunday, the smell of a roast gently filling my nostrils and waking my senses to the fact that I think I can hear my tummy rumbling!  Today is just like Xmas.  We are having Turkey! Mmmm, we get turkey once it's been cooking, oh yeah, turkey, turkey, turkey.  We were meant to be having lamb roast and Grand Mew Mew was visiting, but she has a bug and didn't want to pass it on, so the little lamb had a reprieve, of course I am pleased as now we actually get some turkey. YAWP!

Now, there has been some sort of happening in the house.  The bird bath was full of water and those darn Mozzies laid eggs and then they hatched and then they all decided, one cold night to enter our house... through the cat flap no less!  We are plagued by the buzzing critters who are tying to swarm in ones all over the house.  ManSlave and I went on a hunt to exterminate them from our home. We are good Hunter gatherers and managed to catch at least 20 with the back of a book. SWAT! YAWP! SWAT! I spot them and ManSlave Thwaks them with his book.  We make a great team.  TomFun wanted to try and help but I gave him 'that look' and that told him... he has sulked for a whole day because ManSlave is his, not mine ::shrug shoulders:: Oh well!  

So off we go again Hunting and Gathering little squashed bodies of the nipping and sucking variety and then we laid them all out for Momma to see - it was like a scene from a Hitchcock movie.  Momma was not impressed with our haul and wiped them all away muttering.  Momma is lucky that we don't do this every week, because any oher type of insect, besides the 8 leggeds, get noshed!

KS =^..^=

FRUIT SALAD 

Today, Mr.Zeus had a great introduction to a trio of Kiwis.  Not the fruit, but the lovely people of Catfords, NZ.  He was very excited, because his original 'DAD' was a Kiwi and I think he found the whole experience quite relaxing.  It must have brought back memories of his kittenhood to hear the accent and he sure did get all excited and even let them pet him and kiss him.  All at once he forgot himself and stood on the lady Kiwi shoulders and chatted to the man Kiwi.  He really did make a huge effort to welcome them to England and our home.

SEA OTTERS SPOTTED AGAIN!

There have now been numerous sightings of the Sea Otters (Enhydar-felis Rex-lutris) and now there have been two together!  It has recently been established that this rare breed that frequents the Duvet Regions is indeed increasing in numbers, Scientists think that it is due to global warming that we are spotting more and more of these illusive sweet natured creatures.  We see here in this rare photograph that the Mother Sea Otter Sub-species has indeed given birth to that all important mixed litter of Cat Weasels and among the the litter is the true version in miniature!  Her sister & brother are oblivious to the fact that they are in the same litter as this illusive little creature who even at 6 days old exhibits all the natural traits.

It occurs to me that the decrease in Salmon and the increase in white fish is having a positive effect on the babies and maybe they will all show the Sea Otter trait once they reach maturity.  We have also established that Mother Sea Otters only eat fresh salmon two weeks before giving birth, then it makes their milk over powering and she prefers the gentler white fish.  She swims over to her white porcelain dishes that the Fisher Folk leave her and she forages on this and browses on the fishy biscuits.  The Fisher Folk have added water duck to her menu and it's going down very well. 

No doubt we will be able to watch these little Cat Weasels and Sea Otters grow in their mixed litter and start to watch them swim as they get bigger and bigger.  I purrsonally will be very interested to watch the intake of fish!

=^..^=

HOW DO CATS COMMUNICATE?

A mew, a meow and a YAWP in my case is how we speak to the stupid Parentals that miss all the subtle signs of cat intelligence and communication.  Well Faith has surpassed herself this week by entering into a deep conversation of squeaking and paw touching to make her wishes known.  It all started when Lillibet required her top-up feeds and was now suckling properly from Faith and gaining weight on her own, she did still need a top-up, so Momma took Lillibet & Faith to the double bed and nursed Lillibet onto Faith to get an extra 5mins without the other two knocking her off the best nipples. After the extra feed, Momma would put Lillibet back into the kitten box and Faith would wash and clean everyone and feasting ensued!

On Monday morning, Momma usually goes to the office, but she though, well another week in the kitten room wouldn't harm so set up laptop, servers & phones on the bed.  Faith came and laid next to her for a few minutes then she disappeared into the kitten box, then looked over the top and squeaked, screwing her face up in that adorable way.  That made Momma get up and check the babies, where upon, Faith mouthed, Lillibet and then Mouthed Momma's hand and then shot off to the bed and laid down, squeaking of course.  Momma, being a bit thick, didn't do anything, so Faith repeated the process and Momma clicked that she would like Lillibet to have her top-up.  Yep, she was happy then.  Well after Lillibet had her 5mins, Faith raced to the box front and called the other two kittens, who came crawling to the edge of the kitten box, then she ran to Momma and took her hand again, squeaking and then ran to the hole and mouthed the kittens.  Oh my, she wants them all on the bed.  Momma dutifully moved the little family and they had 3hours on the bed sleeping and eating and dozing.  When Faith had cleaned everyone again, she asked to have them all put back.  Momma knew this because she went to the box, peeped over the top and squeaked and squeaked until Momma took them back.  She is such a funny girl and so smart.  She has never moved a kitten on her own and leaves them for Momma to move.  Even at 8days old, she can call them to the hole and Lillibet will creep out and she lays topping Lillibet up then calls her back in again for dinner with the others.  It's a remarkable thing to watch and hear on IT the Bubba Cam, but she is an amazing creature to have Momma and now ManSlave wrapped around her paw.  She feels safe when Momma is watching over the babies and she sleeps really deeply knowing that everyone is cared for including her.

Yet again I watch and watch as the magic of kittens grow in front of me and can't wait to meet them all now.  I wait outside her door like a little white angel, all glowing and hoping and Faith waves at me and blows me kisses when the parentals open it.  She is still so sweet and gaining her svelte figure again and looking trim and fit.  I do hear her in the evening playing fetch with a crinkle ball up and down the stairs, she likes to let off steam!  I know she misses me because she chirrups when I call her. I miss her too, we are such good friends.  Not long now.

I HAD A LITTLE PLAY

These pills I am on are really helping me live life again, I have been playing with all sorts of things and even running up and down the stairs YAWPING and racing about being generally silly.  I haven't Thwakked anyone all day and seeing as it's a day of rest I guess I should give it a rest for at least a small while.  I found this bottle top this morning and it made a great game of roll and race, I tried to get TomFun to play but I guess with all that Thwakking I have given him, he was a bit cautious!  After my hooning up and down the stairs I had me a long nap infront of the TV in the heated Blankie no less!  Then TomFun and Mr.Zeus joined me, there was just enough room for everyone in the heated blankie... Mmmmm Sunday bliss!  We doze and rest....

Then I spring awake, how could I have missed a YAWPING opportunity? There in my nostrils is the smell of a Wesomer Free Range Chicken cooking - oh the smell is intence, how on this earth could I have missed that cooking and all the sounds that went along with it?  All my playfulness has nearly ruined Sunday for me.  I race into the kitchen to find a steaming roasted bird just begging me to have a taste. I start to YAWP and am rewarded with a little bowlful of yummy chicken breast, oh how lucky am I this Sunday.  Chicken is my favourite and it's one of those rare things I can eat with out getting poorly.  I lick my lips and YAWP some more... well you never know!  Alas, I am not allowed anymore, but I do see a little bowlfull going into the kitten room and make for dancing and YAWPING on every step hoping to trip ManSlave up and let me take my prize.  Saddly, he doesn't and later as I keep vigil, the bowl is retrieved and it's empty.  This is a definate reminder that Sunday napping is not entirely good for you.  Now I hear that next Sunday has already been planned.. Grand Mew Mew is visiting us and the Bubbas, there will be a Welsh lamb making it's way into our senses.... Oh I can't wait.  YAWP!

KS =^..^=

SUCH A HARD LIFE!

Finally, all the squeaking has stopped, all milky top ups have stopped and all is well in kitten land.  TomFun is a little sad that the milky leftovers are not coming his way and he has been 'mewling' rather than YAWPING for some.  It's quite pitiful really and I have Thwakked him about his earholes to calm him down, we don't do 'mewling' only YAWPING in this house.  It's all or nothing!

As I sit and watch the kittens on IT or more aptly named 'The Bubba Cam' I can see them growing before my very eyes.  It's like some magic trick.  They twitch and fidget whilst in a deep sleep and I swear you look a few moments later and they have grown.  I am starting to worry again, soon they will be big enough to eat my food!  There are all sorts of tasty morsels being offered to HRH Faith and all bowls are coming out empty, well except the bowl of tuna ManSlave took to her, she looked at him and said "Did you poison this?" Needless to say, she didn't eat it and rang down for some steamed salmon.  That girl and poor ManSlave, he tries his best.  He did bribe her today with some ham, she forgot herself and delicately took the tiny pieces he was tearing off for her.  See ManSlave, she does like you!  MOL

So now that little Lillibet is feeding on her own and James (as he is now to be called by his new slaves, Eva & David) is not taking his top ups and Minimii has sorted out which nipple is finally hers, all is well in the kitten box.  Lillibet has graduated up to the big kits end of the milky bar and has ruled the roost now pointing out to the others that after she has drunk her fill on nipple no.6 on the left, then the other two may have a look in.  Poor James, that was his favourite nipple.  He now squeaks and squeaks, tyring to get her off, but her limpet tenacity is winning out.  Minimii is determined that no one is coming between her and the No.6 right nipple, she made her stand with Lillibet and a cruel scratch match ensued... Momma and ManSlave trimmed everyones feet!  Poor Faith was so worried that they just wouldn't stop arguing and left them for 3hrs, when she returned, they all just latched on any where and didn't argue once. Good little Faith, treat em mean, keep em keen. I have to say, that she did watche them all that time from the table looking in.  So cute.  Phaaa, cute, what am I saying? I must be going soft with all this kitten talk!

ManSlave is just weighing them in tonight, well he does have a love of weighing things and enjoys this part of his kitten duties.  He played Cat Wrangler today to try and get some photos.  That was a funny sight, talk about a flustered lion!  I could have done a better job, nothing a good Thwakking would't have solved to keep them in check!  next time it's wrangling duties, I think I should at least be consulted.
 
KS =^..^=

TO NEW FRIENDS

TomFun has been very concerned that he has lost Faith as a friend, he has had no one to play with for a few months now and since the kitten room door has been closed to outsiders until they have had their first jabs (owee) then he will continue to be Billy No-Mates!

Mr. Zeus is having non of his jumping and prancing, chasing and racing antics and I am not feeling 100% and loose my rag with his pouncing, he has taken to finding alternative play mates when ManSlave is busy!  

It all started on Sunday.  Well, Sunday lunch was being prepared and I could see the freshly picked green beans on the sides all 'stringed',along with the pork roast..MMmmm.  TomFun had seen this too and stole a said string of said bean and proceeded to trot about the house squeaking and chatting to his new play mate.  He took him firstly to the foot of ManSlave, who dutifully threw if for him (about 40 times).  Then he trotted about the house again with StringBean in tow (as ManSlave was weary of throwing it).  It was then that he presented himself at Faith's door and squeaking turned to yowling and turned to YAWPING! (Oi, buddy, only I YAWP in this house! THWAK THWAK)  That didn't do the trick so he took StringBean for another tour of the house and finally ended up in the bath.  You see, a couple of days earlier, the bath had been emptied of duvets and pillows (best place to store them over the summer!) and there, for the first time TomFun saw his reflection in the plug hole.  So he took StringBean to meet 'plughole Tom'.  They played and played for at least an hour and Momma came and turned the tap on too, which started to re-hydrate StringBean a bit.  He hadn't even been offered a drink - TomFun is a terrible host!  So there you have it, a new friend that still 3 days on, is his best play mate - whatever happened to poor old ratty? Momma found him in the water dish again, face down, all be-draggled and unloved.  I wonder if StringBean will go the same way when Momma finds him in amongst the cream bedding again?  

KS =^..^=

SO MANY UPDATES - SO LITTLE TIME!
I have to say that I am somewhat behind on my updates because the new additions in the house have caused a real stir.  Firstly, meals for basement cats were being neglected, I am meant to be on 6 small meals a day, well that didn't happen, I was only getting four! (can feel a phone call coming on!) and then, to add insult to injury, ManSlave was taught what us basement cats get fed.  The routine is all over the place whilst ManSlave gets the hang of our deviousness in the Kitchen.

Since I have been on the 'pills' I do feel a little better and my coat is shiny white and my ears are sparkly, I am still a little skinny, but slowly, my little villi in my tummy are behaving and I am not so YAWPY!  Although, all this talk of kitten milk is making me very, very YAWPY indeed.  But even I have to admit, I feel better, but I am not letting on to ManSlave just yet, he can suffer my YAWPING for a lot longer than Momma can!

So what do you notice about my stunning body in my photo?  Well, I shall tell you, it's bathed in Orb rays.  Yup, the one and only Orb made it's appearance in  the side window and shone it's healing vitamin D at me (although can't can't soak up vit D like this, I like to contribute to science by testing it fully!) I feel healthy if not a little frisky and did a really silly thing today... I had me a mad dash around the house YAWPING at the tops of my lungs, then launched myself onto the cat post and missed it totally!  How on earth I managed that embarrassing feat I will never know and before you know it everyone was rolling around on the floor laughing at me!  TomFun got a good Thwakking with my thunder paw as I ran past hiding my shame and turning a very pretty shade of puce!
KS =^..^= 

BUNDLES OF JOY
As you know the Kitten room is out of bounds, but I smell me some milky in there and I am wondering why, when Faith has 8 teats and 3 kittens, why oh why can't us boys share?

She keeps telling me "Slinky, this Mini Milk Bar is only for Bubbas!" I don't care do I?  I just want what I want so I send TomFun into the forefront to mew at the kitten room door like a lost soul in the hope that she takes pity on us and lets us in.  Well it did kinda work, but Faith cottoned on and stopped worrying about her 'lost' kitten outside the door and got onto rearing her happy little bundles.  He does keep enticing her out on occasion and I feel that she would rather be out of the Kitten room, if only for a minute!

So from lest to right (heads) we have the very pretty and spitting image of her mother even down to the wrinkling of the nose and thick coat, Minimii.  Then we have in the middle the lovely Dumbo, he was called this for two reasons, one is his ears are large and flap whilst he eats and the other is he can be a whisker short of a cat at times in finding a nipple.  He throws his weight about and keeps his sisters in check! Good boy I say, keeping those women in check!  Then there is the delicate Lillibet who is sweet and funny and a lovely chocolate colouing.  These are just kitten box names and their new Slaves will re-name them and then they will also have their pedigree names too!  If you have read, the naming of cats by TS Elliot, then you will understand.

So to think that my name started out as Trouble when I was born, then when I moved in with the Parentals they called me Slinky, well King Slinky, because I am a Rex you know! Well, I am very slinky and racy and busy and YAWPY! So it fitted better because Momma said, really I am not Trouble at all!
Mr.Zeus was named Zeus by his first Slaves and he was soon moved up to Mr because he is house Security and demands respect!
TomFun was named Tom Thumb because he was a little cat, but TomFun really suits him as he is lots and lots of fun!

So you see, cat names are just things that we are given as a tag at a certain point in life and these babies are no exception!

KS =^..^=

THE STORK HAS BEEN

It is with great pleasure, I can announce, that the 4k of cat food and an ocean full of fish has produced 3 amazingly beautiful and vibrant kittens!  So after all the worries about giant worms & Sea Otters, it seems they were kittens all along!
It all started at 11.14am (well actually the day before, but it was hardly noticeable, then at 14.50hrs a black smoke girl cat of 71gms poked her back feet out and slid into the world. By 16.03hrs, kitten No. 2, a big black smoke boy of 100g, came hurling headlong into Momma's hands.  Kitten No.3 was a still born, but a stunning Chocolate boy named Prometheus came out all cold and lifeless at 16.15hrs and then, what an entrance of a chocolate girl, 18.40hrs, presented head first!  I was totally amazed by all the comings and goings in the room - I was watching it all through 'IT' the Bubba Cam. We still did hope for five kittens, but 3 is just as incredible.

ManSlave did a stoic job of rubbing wet kittens dry, heating them up on the hot mats, iodine and baby buds at the ready for umbilicals (that Momma had to break first and then tell ManSlave he could look).  It looked like momma and Faith just sat back and let the male Lions take control... He fixed up a chicken cassarol dinner for Momma to eat in the Kitten room as Faith isn't sure about her leaving just yet and he also fed all of us, which was really nice (we got extras!)

Momma is in her 19th hour awake (on 3hrs kip) and has been warming and latching kittens until they all get the hang of it.  Faith is being fed IN BED, with salmon flakes, kibble and even drinks from a crystal glass so she doesn't have to move.  Her babies will now start to grow and Faith will eat lots of noms to keep up the milk production.  There were a few homeopathic remedies used to help her, before, after and during the birth and also one kitten had a tiny bit to revive her a little bit, from what I could see, they work wonders!

Everyone has found a perfect nipple now and Faith squeeks at Momma if they fall off.  They are all learning together.  Gradually, once everyone is happy, Momma will transfer them to the kitten box, they are still on the bed for tonight.  I think it's all rather thrilling and we have all been trilling through the door and peering in when it has opened, TomFun has discovered standing on his hind legs like a meercat to see over the barrier!  I am a softee at heart you know until they are big enough to THWAK!

KS =^..^=

HOW MANY SEA OTTER PICTURES CAN YOU TAKE?

I know that I am no David Attenborough, but we certainly do have a Sea Otter in our midst, especially when you read more about them.

The sea otter (Enhydar-felis Rex-lutris) is a seabed animal and native to to the duvet regions.  Adult pregnant sea otters weigh loads and loads and their babies learn to swim inside the mother otters tummy first.
See Clip.  It is among the smallest of seabed animals and has a rich dense curly coat.  Although it can walk on floors, the sea otter prefers to 'swim' from surface to surface and spends most of it's time mattress surfing.  Inhabiting the offshore areas of sills and shelves, the sea otter occasionally dives to the seabed and forages and eats only the best freshly prepared salmon, tuna & white fish in shiny porcelain dishes.  Sea otters are found laying on their backs in sub tropical seabeds, using tools such as nail files to sharpen their weapons in case they need to fight or hunt.  When this sub species is found to be pregnant, they exhibit these behaviours above as well as 'swimming' along on the stomach to a nearby location and destroying anything in it's wake, namely rolls of kitchen paper that have carelessly been discarded by passing fish delivery folk.  This truly adaptable species is one of the sweetest and cutest of it's genus and not at all like it's closer family member, the catweasle. 

So there you have it, a new species has been found and I found it 'in my house' no doubt it will come to a seabed near you!  Sir David, eat your heart out - I am going for your job when you retire, although I feel that I am more a Bellamy man when it comes down to getting my paws stuck in!

KS =^..^=

EVERYONE PUSHING AND SHOVING.

It may surprise you to learn that all the kitten food has indeed been turned into a writhing mass inside Faith's tummy.  Now purrsonally, I think she has a very bad case of worms!  I mean, I can't be sure, but in light of the food disappearance, I believe that my theory is right.  I have seen these TV documentaries where folks get these 'hooge' worms that eat them away and I think that the same is happening to Faith.  She must be saved.  I shall intercept all food products going into the room today, although, her food intake has slowed this morning and she only ate one side of Salmon instead of two!  Maybe the worms are invading.... Oh no, what if they escape and move onto us... there is a considerable gap under the door and it's not far down the stairs into the food cupboard.  We must Gather forces. TomFun & Securicat are to be on guard - THWAK - wake up TomFun, you are supposed to be on guard! 

So whilst the little princess rests and relaxes, her wormery keeps on nudging her awake as a reminder that they are soon to break out.  I hope she has them somewhere other than Momma's bed, but I doubt it, she is primed and ready for action 'right there'!

On the subject of worms, my tummy is a little better, I am still thin, but those steroids twice a day are helping to slow it all down in there and my skin looks clean and sparkley all on it's own, I haven't had to lick it my self for a few days - well, it's so tiring!  I am being starved of course and the 6 meals a day are not really enough, I reckon I should have at least 10 or 12.  I think I shall ring the Cat Line and ask them what they think about my starving state.

10 mins later: "Cat Line, oh hello Mr Slinky" the nice lady says. I tell her my dilemma "Oh she says, 6 meals a day, that's a awful lot, there are cats out there starving Sir." she tells me. "YAWP!" I say "I am starving, what is cat line for if it's not to help me negotiate my food limits?"  No answer was the stern reply...

Mmmm.  My thoughts turn to Sunday lunch, not far away, only a day or two - about the same for the Wormery then!

KS =^..^= 

SOMEONE HAD ENOUGH

It's fair to say that Faith has got to the bit in her pregnancy where she is looking at Momma and saying "get them out now". Don't think it will be too long before she will be calling my name and I shall come running to be her birthing partner. Stroke her back, rub her sore bits, steal her noms... urgh huh, I mean steal a kiss! 

Today she prefers the floor to the bed really, but Momma laid out a special cream rug (doesn't she know what mess will be made?) so that the little babe can get shome shut eye.  Her and Momma are so tired and I don't know where Faith gets her energy from at 2am, 4am, 6am in the morning and how she can see so many invisible insects.  But this is the result, a very tired kitty.

I tried to break in today and hung on the door handle, but IT was watching me. I hate having all this technology in the house, we are seen from all angles doing all bad things.  It's always when you are doing such things that a Parental appears from nowhere to reprimand you.  "YAWP!" I say, "Give me a break, I was only trying to save her from all that over eating".  It doesn't work, I am told off yet again because the little princess is sleeping.  My cat, what does she do all day in there.  Eat, Sleep, Eat, Sleep.  She will roll out and I will be here to pick up the pieces!

KS =^..^=

MILKY BARS ARE ON FAITH
Society is always talking about entrepreneurs, well Faith is no exception.  She has recently opened the 'Milky Bar' and each 'Mini Milk' will be available for business very soon.  She wants her adoring public to know that she has eaten 4k of kibble to get this show on the road and is now producing thick and creamy shakes for ready for her Bubbas.  There was talk of opening early and all us boys getting our lickers round that before the Bubbas arrive, but we have been told 'NO', it's for Bubbas only.  YAWP!

Now, I know and you know that Faith loves me the most therefore, if she has only a few Bubbas, then there will be a 'Mini Milk' just for me.  But getting passed the Parentals is a big deal.  I noticed today, the door board has gone up.  This is to stop the 'belters and racers' from entering at break neck speed and getting to the food before they even notice we are in.  Like the SAS, we are in and out in a flash.  Talking of Flash, Faith raced her self out of the door today, she was headed for the bathroom and the water dish (hers is still not good enough), and there, waiting, was TomFun.  He jumped on her and proceeded to 'make out with a pregnant woman'.  He got a telling off from Momma and a Thwak from me for good measure, of which he fell over laughing at both, like he does. Faith was ecstatic at the rampancy, how on earth could anything else fit in there is beyond me? 

Her most comfortable position today is 'Sea Otter'.  She is eating all the Salmon reserves, she has totally lost the taste for processed 'exclusive kitten feeds' and want's only steamed fish, Salmon, Cod, Coley and Trout.  Momma is on hand to make sure everyday there is a delicacy for her.  I would say she is spoiled rotten and is been pandered to in my opinion.  The rest of us don't get such treatment, TomFun is making do with substandard cat meat, Mr.Zeus is back on a kibble only diet, I am on 6 small meals a day, which are dispensed in either a food ball or a 'machine'. Where is the steamed fish for us?  Well we do get steamed fish and chicken and turkey - but I AM still complaining - It's my right!

KS =^..^=

COUNT DOWN BEGINS

I can even count on my paw the days we have to wait until Bubba Invasion - it's 7 whole days!  No doubt there will be more food heading into the kitten room and nothing but small nappy sackfuls of the 'brown' stuff coming out! I have also noticed that routine has changed, this is not good at all.  Usually, we are able to escape from the kitchen at around 7.30am and hang about until 8am to be fed.  But now, Momma is letting Faith out for a wander around the top floor and a quickie play on the landing.  Us boys can hear her of course and think it's highly unfair that our morning ritual has been substituted for hers!  She even gets fed before us, even though she has snax on tap?  I don't understand? YAWP!

Yesterday ManSLave caught Faith launching herself from her cat post, so he shortened it.  She was climbing to the very top, balancing in the 3" post and then trying to Thwak the rosette hanging on the ceiling.  She was in trouble with ManSlave and squeeked and squeeked when he took the top half away. 'No' he said, laughing at her having a tantrum.  I was allowed in to visit as well yesterday (food was locked away).  She looks really pretty, I still love her and give her an affectionate kiss (whilst looking over her shoulder to check the food is still there).  She looks demure now that she has eaten all that food, but really is it necessary to waddle so?  I said "hello chick - you look well!" She purred at me,"Thank you Slinky".  I say, "You look kinda, kinda round?"  "Mmmm" she says, raising an eye brow, "I am meant to look like this - I am expecting you know".  "Yeah" I say, looking clueless "what are you expecting?"  "KITTENS SLINKY, KITTENS" she shouts.  Oh my, her hormones must be raging? "Sorry" I say trying to cool her temper, I look down and mumble "I was hoping it was a bag of food!"  She tuts at me and I ask to leave.  So much for THAT visit going well and her sharing her snax with me.

It suddenly dawns on me that we may, as a family, be expecting these illusive kittens after all and it not just a ploy to make her fat to wind me up.  I was lucky to get a visit really then.  When Mr. Zeus visited, he did get a bit excited at finding his heated bed again, he felt bereft when it was removed from the kitchen and replaced with the smaller version, he can only just get his body in that one!  There he was all happily mooching around when Faith says, very politely.  "Um, would you refrain from stinking my bed up please and kindly leave." He lays down and ignores her, so she calls TomFun and asks "TomFun, kindly remove 'Securicat' from my bed, he is making it stinky"  Sure thing Faith. He bounds over to the kittening box, like Tigger... BOING.  "OUT, OUT, OUT, OUT, OUT, OUT" TomFun screams and boings all over poor Mr.Zeus until he finally relents and runs out hissing obscenities at the young buck.  "I did it Faith" he announces.  "Good" she says and gives him a thorough pasting for being in her room!  Poor TomFun, he was only doing as he was asked.  Girl cats man, you never know if you are on your arse or your elbow....  Mmmm, do cats have elbows?

KS =^..^=

NEVER OVER INDULGE!

After a long night, a very, very long night, where Faith kept Momma awake with invisible flies until 2am and the timer going off in the kitchen at 4.34am and the neighbours dogs barking at 6am, it was time to get up!

Mr. Zeus had spotted an old collar used when he could go in the garden and he wanted to wear it because it signifies wanting to 'go' in the garden! You see Momma has been painting on the sides of the kitten box and the CatPod is off bounds, so Mr. Zeus thought by wearing his collar it might give him a 'garden pass'.  It didn't!  ManSlave was busy in the kitchen and because Mr. Zeus was being so cute, he let him 'help himself' to the biscuits whilst we were sleeping.  He over indulged himself, something he never normally does, but he had been peeky with his Flu Jab so was making up for lost time.

1hr later, there is an unfamiliar sound coming from the lounge, on top of the cat post.  it's Mr.Zeus deciding that he really didn't need all that food in one munching and allowed it to vacate his body the way it went in. Lovely.  All down the cream cat post, the wall, the windowsill, the floor - everywhere!  That was it, I was awake like a flash.  The smell of food invading my nostrils.  Momma runs to the kitchen to get the 'Juan Sheet' kitchen roll.  I, in an instant flash of starvation devour all of the above and am licking my lips by the time she arrived with sprays, carpet cleaner, steamer & 'Juan Sheet'.  I see her eyes flash - Oh no, that's not a good sign, I am in trouble, but my self preservation kicks in and my stomach is by no way near full and I YAWP, "any more?"  She sweeps me up, puts me in the en-suite with a litter tray, bowl of water and a prison bed.  I YAWP and YAWP until I am a little hoarse! Momma leaves the house to count to 10! You see, I am on these very expensive pills for my tummy and I have just ruined a whole weeks hard graft, but I don't care, my YAWPING hole is empty and I shall fill it as I see fit.  Woe betide any one that stands in the way of me and my food!  Well, I am not in my prison for long and as soon as I get a reprieve, I remember where a little biscuit had fallen behind the radiator, I bet the Parentals missed that one. I head in that direction and get me a free snack.  I will never stop until my tummy explodes.


KS =^..^= 

WHO ATE ALL THE PIES?

Well as you know it has concerned me somewhat that Faith's kittening room has recently been visited by a truck load of kitten feed, when there are no kittens yet.  I say every time I see a box go in "YAWP" and think what in that room can be devouring all these pink boxes of noms if it's not kittens? Well here it is... the Bubba Monster!

I caught a glimpse of Faith today through the crack in the door, blimey, she's a bit tubby I thought! What has happened to my once svelt friend?  I imagined in my head that Momma was feeding kittens in that room, not this, this beast!  I am eternally jealous of course because I really haven't been myself and lost a little weight, only 1/4 of a K but still, for a big boy like me, it shows.  But this really takes the biscuit!   Here I am being starved to death and there she is eating us out of house and home and NO KITTENS!  This is a joke.  It's a definite call to the CatLine and have this resolved with immediate effect.  

10mins later.... I have made my call to CatLine, they say nice things to me, then they ask what I am being fed and do I have access to water, fresh air, toast crumbs (well they didn't ask that) I said I got a measly two 85g tins of chicken & 70g of biscuit and anything else I can lay my tongue on.  they tell me I am fine and must be suffering from anxiety - no whiskers I am!  My anxiety is heightened  because all that food has vanished into one cat (who is meant to love me) and she hasn't shared any under the door - she only shares her breath and reminds me what I am missing!

KS =^..^= 

A TRIP TO THE VETS - PART TWO

A you may or may not know, my incessant YAWPING is down to Kitty Colitis.  Momma tries so hard to make me eat properly, but you know me - all or nothing!  So it was my time to visit Katy today!

In reception I met 5 people who all thought I was wonderful (of-course) as I sat proudly 'on' my carrier, complete with studded collar. There comes a time when you have to work your public and this is the only shot I get at it!

Katy calls me in, we are on first name terms 'Slinky' she calls and waits for me to be presented on her freshly washed table.  Momma lays out the fleece rug and I lounge, awaiting appraisal.  It's all "Oooh Slinky I love your face".  I smile up at Katy and give her a rumble of affection - but what's this, she is out with the stethoscope to hear my heart beat, so my rumble turns into a lour purr so that she is unable to hear my dicky ticker.  It's only a slight whooshy noise, but you can't be too careful about your love muscle can you!

She looks in my ears, in my eyes (I see her swoon), checks my teeth and smells my breath (thank heavens I flossed!) She then checks out my tush and I warn her "THAT IS PRIVATE!" She smiles at me, has a feel of my tummy, turns me about and I swear she is going to kiss me, so I pucker up and go to meet her and it gives her a little surprise and she pulls back. There is always next time. She gets out her big book of pills, weighs me, I am thinner because I have been bad and Momma careless and she prescribes me some steroids to help wake my 'villi' up again.  They do know that Steroids are going to make me hungrier don't they?  I strut to my cat carrier and climb in, it wasn't bad at all, quite a good experience really.  I thought I would send the Vets a Tweet to say thanks for a love from Katy!

Well tonight I think I feel a little better, my skin is not so dehydrated and I have made less splat, more plait in the tray this evening - I know, it's too much info, but it's also quite a revelation and long may it continue!

KS =^..^=

LADY MUCK

There she lays in her boudoir that had been created just for Faith.  It has 'Moff' wallpaper and leopard print bedding, little butterfly lamps and lots of space for toys, kittening pen and kittening box.  In total Faith and the Bubbas will have 8ft of kitten run to race up and down on their jelly legs.  It will allow for plenty of space for Bubbas to grow and develop in until they can come out into the big room.

Faith is in the kitten room permanently now and she is fine with it unless someone, namely me, starts YAWPING!  She gets a bit concerned about my YAWPING and now TomFun has started to join in. This weekend has secured our knowledge that TomFun indeed 'has a voice' and it's quite a loud one, sort of chirrupy but deep and penetrating where as mine is a big YAWP!  

Not only is Faith in her 'special room' but she has delicious food on tap now, fresh Salmon, fresh chicken, fresh white fish all lovingly steamed by Momma and do we get a look in? Do we heck!  On top of this there are cartons of Kitten Meal and Kitten pouches - you know those really expensive ones that are so full of protein they make your eyes bulge!  Well it's all going in and none, I tell you, none is venturing out again!

To top that, there was a Lamb in the oven today as well, just a small piece of the Welsh stuff that I had peered at all night in the microwave whilst it defrosted and thought it may be coming my way, but oh no, it was put into the oven, never to be seen again... Sundays are so unfair!

A TRIP TO THE VETS!

Oh no, it's that time of year again for the annual boosters and health checks.  We had to go in two lots because Momma could only take two at a time, so TomFun & Mr. Zeus headed off for a poke and a prod from Katy the lovely happy Vet.  She firstly chatted to Mr. Zeus about his unfortunate happening with a set of keys and a paw that stretched back to January, I know she has the records but it's nice that she asks him.  "Can I see your paw" she asks "No" says Mr.Zeus and snatches it back.  He has his ticker checked and his tummy checked, after the incident with the 11" of ribbon munched one Xmas, we don't take any chances.  He also had his microchip checked because it went very sore.  So with his all clear he got a stick in the arse with his booster. Poor Mr. Zeus always in the wars.  You never guess what happens then... he goes home and catches a dose of flu symptoms, poor poor Mr. Zeus, he is the unluckiest cat EVER!

TomFun had more luck.  He wowed the crowd in reception with his dancing jig on his cat carrier and then swooned with the Katy and her nurse.  he had his ears checked, because they get mucky, but that's it - muck. And he had his allergy symptoms checked and is allowed a little anti-histamine if he gets a bad 'pollen' day.  But all in all he has a clean bill of health and stunned his audience with a strut of his newly furred 'airbags'.  Katy was so happy because he is 'hooge' now!


So what of me???  Well I have a reprieve until Monday, I shall let you know how I got on.  Bet I can beat TomFun in the swooning department!