There are copious amounts of packet food vanishing into the kitten room and you all thought it was a world shortage due to the Suez canal being closed and the influx of new critters needing more packets, but no, I can honestly tell you that it is Maystar HQ that is draining the resources for the rest of the world. Robyn eats them with gay abandon each day and it is her that is running the universe low on those delicious shiny packets of delight.
I have a parchante for those slippery packs of goodness and at any point can be found thieving them from under Momma's nose. Occasionally, Momma leaves one in the sink to be rinsed out and I steal it and chew holes enough to make a good sieve. Then, if I am not lucky enough to get one of those, they are rinsed out and put into the peddle bin in the bathroom. I have purrfected the art of trickery thievery and use sweet Svein to balance on the peddle of the bin whilst I scout about, head in, among the packs, trying to grab one like some sort of fairground game. Once, Svein jumped off the peddle and the lid came down and hit me square between the ears. I staggered about a bit holding aloft the well fought tuna packet that I was NOT going to let go of easily. I reeled back and forth with dizzying staggers, swaying here and there and my prize was scooped up and a quick kiss on my head from Momma - like THAT'S going to make it all better...Herrumpf.. ::gives low growl and a hiss::
I can now go one step further and retrieve, not only empty washed packets, but full ones. It takes a bit of ingenuity and skill and I am always up for a challenge if the reward is ample. The packets are decanted into a plastic airtight box with clips and then placed in a draw, one of those easy break in one Ikea types for kids. The items in question are locked away quite well so I do have to use the shingle in my head to work it out. However, I am a smart arse and a few times watching closely and I can break in by pushing the draw above backwards to reveal the draw below and IF Momma has left the clip off to the container, I can flip open the lid, sneak in a paw and hook me out a fresh one. Gosh I am just so devious and smart and decidedly clever. What would I do if I had thumbs?
Not every reward is met with a happy ending. There I am chewing the guts out of a full packet, spilling it's stomach contents onto the carpet and ripping open it's middle and devouring what I can before the hand of hell comes and takes it away, usually with a smart tap on the butt and a cry of "Oh Viktori, just why?" from Momma's lips. I lick mine, over and over tasting the last of a hard won prize and grab out with my claws and teeth in a snapping motion to get back my packet. I get leverage only to be shaken loose from my win and watch as the last of it's innards are poured into Robyn's dish, the door shut, never to be seen again. The hardships I have to deal with are too much for my cat brain and I explode in a dance of semi silliness, which belies my true feelings of upset and despise and I dance and dance and thwak a kitten or two as I pass. There, that feels better. The world is balanced again.
Today, I can not pull my mind from the Charolais beef that lays in the microwave, rising to room temperature. I have pressed my sniffer to the door several times to make sure it does not suffocate in there. It's ok, I can hear mooing or it could be Lillibets gentle snore? I do wonder if there will be a smidgen for me as all the thieving has created a rash on my skin and I am to have a bath later to sooth it. What would sooth it better is slices of beef laid across my tummy whilst I wallow in a bath of packets complete with turkey escalopes over my eyes and tartare face pack. Then, I believe, I would feel so healthy and in my element.
Here is to pamper Sunday. Huzzah!
Your delicious Queen Vee =^..^=
I have a parchante for those slippery packs of goodness and at any point can be found thieving them from under Momma's nose. Occasionally, Momma leaves one in the sink to be rinsed out and I steal it and chew holes enough to make a good sieve. Then, if I am not lucky enough to get one of those, they are rinsed out and put into the peddle bin in the bathroom. I have purrfected the art of trickery thievery and use sweet Svein to balance on the peddle of the bin whilst I scout about, head in, among the packs, trying to grab one like some sort of fairground game. Once, Svein jumped off the peddle and the lid came down and hit me square between the ears. I staggered about a bit holding aloft the well fought tuna packet that I was NOT going to let go of easily. I reeled back and forth with dizzying staggers, swaying here and there and my prize was scooped up and a quick kiss on my head from Momma - like THAT'S going to make it all better...Herrumpf.. ::gives low growl and a hiss::
I can now go one step further and retrieve, not only empty washed packets, but full ones. It takes a bit of ingenuity and skill and I am always up for a challenge if the reward is ample. The packets are decanted into a plastic airtight box with clips and then placed in a draw, one of those easy break in one Ikea types for kids. The items in question are locked away quite well so I do have to use the shingle in my head to work it out. However, I am a smart arse and a few times watching closely and I can break in by pushing the draw above backwards to reveal the draw below and IF Momma has left the clip off to the container, I can flip open the lid, sneak in a paw and hook me out a fresh one. Gosh I am just so devious and smart and decidedly clever. What would I do if I had thumbs?
Not every reward is met with a happy ending. There I am chewing the guts out of a full packet, spilling it's stomach contents onto the carpet and ripping open it's middle and devouring what I can before the hand of hell comes and takes it away, usually with a smart tap on the butt and a cry of "Oh Viktori, just why?" from Momma's lips. I lick mine, over and over tasting the last of a hard won prize and grab out with my claws and teeth in a snapping motion to get back my packet. I get leverage only to be shaken loose from my win and watch as the last of it's innards are poured into Robyn's dish, the door shut, never to be seen again. The hardships I have to deal with are too much for my cat brain and I explode in a dance of semi silliness, which belies my true feelings of upset and despise and I dance and dance and thwak a kitten or two as I pass. There, that feels better. The world is balanced again.
Today, I can not pull my mind from the Charolais beef that lays in the microwave, rising to room temperature. I have pressed my sniffer to the door several times to make sure it does not suffocate in there. It's ok, I can hear mooing or it could be Lillibets gentle snore? I do wonder if there will be a smidgen for me as all the thieving has created a rash on my skin and I am to have a bath later to sooth it. What would sooth it better is slices of beef laid across my tummy whilst I wallow in a bath of packets complete with turkey escalopes over my eyes and tartare face pack. Then, I believe, I would feel so healthy and in my element.
Here is to pamper Sunday. Huzzah!
Your delicious Queen Vee =^..^=
RSS Feed
