WHO'S AFFRAID OF THE BIG BAD WOLF?

The thing with spiders is that they seem to have eight of everything!  Eight hairy little legs, eight lives and eight beady little eyes arranged in rows to get the best view of their world.  Well to my two eyes, these wee beasites should not frequent our space.  Their space is the garage and the veggie patch.  I have seen a few bigguns galloping around there rounding up the rouge insects that get out of line.  But it is fair to say that this little fella deserved to be caught and put outside again because he actually ran at me, raising his cephalothorax and waving his pedipalps, like he was going to taste me.  I was fascinated of course and not a little bit scared, even when he tried to talk his way out of the glass by playing dead!

Mr.Zeus the ever faithful SecuriCat was interested, but said that he would have to conduct a risk assessment first before anyone should capture it and promptly left the lounge for his notebook and pen and came back herrumphing because he had been ignored.  He then proceeded to write his report from the safety of the cat post.  Well, I suppose, only fools rush in.  That would be Momma then as ManSlave was quaking in his boots.  He was comforting Lillibet and Faith, apparently!!!! Hmmm


Well, out of the door the little fella went, he bid Momma farewell and ran back to his family behind the garage door. Talking of doors.... We have had a new pane of glass fitted with a little black Devon Rex Kitten on it.  Momma designed it of course and a nice man made it for her.  It has a little butterfly and a heart and our house number.  When it was installed, Mr. Zeus thought it was a real cat and spent the whole afternoon doing his SecuriCat job of protecting the family from this monstrous black cat with green eyes.  He wasted so much energy growling and grumbling at it that by the evening, he was thoroughly worn out.  He even had Faith going at one point as she thought she was in for a bit of 'Stud Cat' only to find out it was a pretend cat and a pretend butterfly.  She disappeared upstairs with a big sigh and preceded to beat up Lillibet for asking questions.

I think sometimes, I live in a house of crazy cats and humans.  I am, of course, purrrrfect in every way!

KS =^..^=

HOW LONG A WAIT?

YAWP! YAWP! YAWP!
Seriously, I cannot believe that we have all been left again.  On Thursday night I noticed the ritual packing of rucksacks, this is never a good sign as rucksack packing usually dictates that the Parentals are off on a trip somewhere that is more than a night!  They always take the black bag for one night and invariably my bag gets packed too!  No one else seemed to notice that all this was going on, only me. I kept watch to update the others.


On Friday morning they left at 4am, it was freezing outside so I stayed in bed, sulking.  Momma came and kissed me and said that Uncle Paul would be here at 9am to feed us.  I ate the snack she gave me reluctantly in her company, then scoffed it down when she left.  She kissed Faith and Faith wasn't happy at all with the arrangements.  She kissed Lillibet and as always, Lillibet purred and purred.  Then, She kissed Mr.Zeus and told him that he was in charge.... WHAT!  Mr.Zeus in charge.  OMC.  Seriously, this is MY house.  I know that he is security, but IN CHARGE!!! Oh, well, they didn't have to live with him BEING IN CHARGE for 3 days did they?  No they were flying out to some foreign country with out us! 

Uncle Paul did come, eventually.  We sat by the window waiting for him, I kept drifting into a hungered sleep as normally we get fed four times a day and now it was only two... Seriously, this just isn't on AT ALL.  Uncle Paul was moulded into a fine carer and played with us, cleaned our trays and filled our water dishes.  He was persuaded to feed Faith almost by hand as she refused her steamed fish.  He was forced to break it into tiny pieces for her to manage - Oh such a princess!  Mr.Zeus gave him the run around - because he was 'in charge'. I felt sorry for Uncle Paul really, but that didn't stop me YAWPING for more food! Well why not - he could have been a sucker... Sadly, he isn't.  He knows me far too well.

Well Sunday has come and gone, there is no roast in the oven, no Parentals, no extra love on the sofa.  Just us waiting morning and night for Uncle Paul to come and go.  He didn't put the roast dinner in either.  I was hoping to have a nibble.  But alas, him and Meggie, his dog, just left us, devoid of a large supper with all the trimmings with just a bowl of kibble.  I am about to ring CatLine.  There is definitely something wrong with my guts - they are making an infernal racket.  It could be the fact I bolted my food or starvation?  I don't know the difference!

KS =^..^=

HISSY FIT!

Where has our sweet Faith gone?  She is yelling her head off again for a boyfriend and Mr.Zeus is run ragged chasing the local Tom cats from our door.  He is prowling about the CatPod, in the snow, defending his territory - Flick Flack goes the cat flap every few minutes and a grumbling Mr.Zeus runs to the front window to see the Tom in his tux make a dash for the hedge!

Faith surprised everyone this morning with a noise as unfamiliar to us and it is to her... She hissed at Lillibet!  When she did the snakelike noise, she jumped around to see who had made it.  Lillibet was taken aback and looked very worried that her Mother had scalded her for just being in the way. Faith then proceeded to trot about the house looking for the noise, stalking and belly scraped to the floor in total fear.  I thought I had better intervene here and I must have surprised her because she hissed again and then Thwakked me because I hissed at her.  When she hissed at me she still seemed surprised at the noise.  She had been growling before the hiss came out and she has always growled since she visited Chester to be mated.  I swear she hissed at him a few times!  But needless to say, this girl is turning into a grumble puss when she is calling, but only where her Daughter is concerned.  And then as if by magic, she has forgotten all of the grumbling and hissing and the two of them are found play fighting on the landing?  Girl cats man, I just don't get them!  ::Shakes head::

I am an expert at hissing, I do it all the time, Some of you thought I was a Thwakker, well, I don't actually make contact with any one, I am an Air Thwakker!  But I do like a good hiss.  It never seems to do any good but I am very good at it!  TomFun used to make me hiss every day, he was so busy jumping around me that the odd hiss was good for his manners.  But Faith can really push me too far at times and I just have to tell her how I feel.  So, I open my mouth and say it like it is and she just rolls over in front of me, belly up and squirming away.  Such a tart.  I have never hissed at the Parentals, that really is a no no, but some one who did a lot of hissing at the Parentals was Mr.Zeus... Oh boy, when he first arrived he hissed and hissed and did the spitting thing and used his claws too.  He is a good boy now and certainly doesn't hiss at any one - he is too mellow now!  Although, I did corner him this morning and he got his head stuck in the table lamp, he did hiss a bit then, because the radio had also fallen over and the areal was sticking in his bum! He doesn't half get in a mess if you press his buttons! I skipped away on three legs and tail held high, whilst stuffing the free paw into my mouth to stop the snigger that was about to escape! Momma rescued him from his clumsy ways. 

So, from our snake like mannerisms that could set fear into the hearts of Elephants, it's all just bravardo and territory warfare between the women folk.  I will leave them all to it and just make it known that hissing is for Top Cats only and any one wants to challenge me will be air Thwakked and chased into lamps until they back off and leave me be. I may even give a hiss for good measure!


KS =^..^= 

THERE IS NO BUSINESS LIKE SNOW BUSINESS!

Yes!  This is me, I actually love the snow.  I sit at the window at the top of the cat post and YAWP and pad my paws simultaneously on the glass making an infernal noise and all to be let out in the white stuff.  I raced out with some enthusiasm for a sniff and a wander only to find that it was up to my tummy and I had to raise myself right up onto my tippy toes to stop my belly from freezing.  It was cold, but I did manage a few minutes running here and there making the most of my freedom!

Finally, I relented to cold paws, legs and nipples and headed inside, some would think leisurely, but I entered the house at the speed of light, flashing hither & thither YAWPING at full volume to alert everyone that I had been out in the big wide white world without them.  I was promptly dried and warmed in a big blankie (Courtesy of Eva & David in Ireland) and settled down for a nap... It wasn't to be!  I was so excited still and took off around the house again belting out a song of 'It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas' until I was cut short and packed into the cat bed once again as now everyone was running around the house singing it and Momma was loosing her tiny mind. (ManSlave has already lost his!)

At least when I fell asleep there was the delicious smell of Roast Dinner filling my senses and making me drift on a meaty cloud to perfect dreams of a Smörgåsbord of feline delights.  I was drifting along, belly down, on a plate of Roast Beef and all the trimmings just munching away when I felt empty again. I was chewing on a big slab of beef which became tough and wriggly to manage, so I bit into it with all my mite, only to be woken by a screaming Lillibet with a very sore bum!

=^..^=

PLAYING FOOTSIE
Momma has never seen another cat do this thing that Faith does, she runs in a 'pacing gait' and moves her two legs on one side of her body then the other two legs on the other side - at the same time! For the past year we have called her 'spot the dog!' as it is more synonymous with Spot, camels and giraffes.  But looking into this gait in more detail, cats are the only other animal to do this naturally, bar the odd track horse that is hobbled to run that way!  It became more noticeable when Momma saw Lillibet do it too and we wondered if it was a family trait.  You see, cats 'walk this way' when being careful, but Momma didn't know they 'ran' this way too!  It is the funniest thing to watch as the pair of them do 'Spot the Dog' at high speeds across the laminate.

Lillibet has to be one of the cutest little beasts and I quite like her really.  She is sweet natured and very loving.  I love it when she spends hours washing her feet and paws.  Out of all of us, she has the cleanest feet ever.  She also has the very cleanest ears too, only because I spend lots of time getting a free snack every time I wash them for her! So from clean feet to clean worktops - well we all know this is the big Parental dream to have clean worktops but in reality, this is impossible to achieve.  We have 'our own' end to sit on, but I am a bad kitty and constantly race across the worktops when the Parentals are not looking.  I don't care if I have just visited the cat tray or been out in the CatPod and of course generally get my paws grubby doing all sorts of dirty jobs. It is a constant battle of spray, wipe 'GET OFF'. Spray, wipe 'OH SLINKY'. Spray, wipe 'RIGHT OUT'.  It will never stop, neither will I or any other Feline in the world.  We love contaminating our humans and they love contaminating us!

KS =^..^=

CHASE FOR LIFE!

It's Sunday again and my nostrils have been awoken to the smell of Summer Lamb roasting in the Oven.  I can tell it's Summer Lamb as it smells a tad more goaty in the kitchen. I was in a deep sleep, contemplating life when the aroma hit me and even though my body wasn't fully awake my senses were.  It has made me all excited and I can't stop running about the house shouting for the others to get up and come and smell the smell.  You see, with the Parentals having been full of bugs and stuff, it is the first Roast Dinner since Xmas Day - so it's worth celebrating don't you think?

Well, I raced off to Tell Mr.Zeus, but there was something in the way that he looked at me this morning that made me edgy, so I Thwakked him a big Thwak and he ran like a whirlwind around the house. I think it's his tail that makes me want to chase him more and more, he fluffs it out and just runs blind with this foxy bushy tail following him and it's that I believe that turns a little light Thwakking into a household game!  Well this morning, that very game got out of hand as Faith joined in, but not just chasing Mr.Zeus but laid into me as well.  For a low violence cat, she can't half pack a Thwak or two.  She won't let up now and is pursuing everyone with blown up fur, whirlygig eyes and a voice on it like a banshee.  OMC! Her hormones are still raging and she is skittering about, thrashing everyone and protecting Lillibet (at the same time as telling her off for being so clingy!) Lillibet is cowered on Momma's lap and Faith keeps running between us and her.  "RIGHT" said Momma in a large voice. Everyone stands like statues, mid hiss and spit.  She swoops the screaming Faith up, Faith is shouting foul language at Momma, Momma talks to her in a firm voice and Faith squeaks in between screaming at anyone that dares to move! She is put in the 'Kitten Room with Lillibet'.  Momma has peeled Mr.Zeus from the windowsill where he was hiding, head first like an Ostrich, under the curtain - totally invisible to the naked eye of course!  I on the other hand, because I feel so frisky, am YAWPING at to top of my lungs because I can't understand why I have been ignored when it was my fault!  I don't get Parentals, am I not supposed to get a telling off for being a vindictive little monkey?  Nope, apparently, we are only rewarded for good actions in our house, positive reinforcement  they call it... well let me reinforce this..... I WANT WHAT I WANT AND I WANT IT NOW! Whatever it may be... Fluffy tail, more kibble, a lamb roast, Momma all to my self with out some little chocolate drop kitten cellotaped to her 24/7! YAWP YAWP YAWP 

A FAIR JUDGE OF CHARACTER

It has to be said that Momma tries really hard to be be a good person and she works hard at her various jobs 'Chief Litter Remover & Feeder'. She always tries hard to please every one and make sure that we are all fed correctly with just the right food to match our tummies, skin and ages. She is a model Parental and an Angel in disguise... But this time she has really messed up!

You see, she is wondering about the 'food' thing and why all of a sudden Faith is scratching and Mr.Zeus is lumpy and what with my tummy troubles (we shan't go into those!!) and sadly, the death of TomFun, it sort of all boils down to one thing - FOOD! Well not just the food, but the lack of fatty acids in it.  So we are all in for a huge change and that means a huge wait as the food that will be be on trial is from Germany no less.  The samples should arrive next week and then we can all get down and test it out.  The only problem is... she has SOLD OUR NOMS!  We have just enough for a week, the cupboards are low, she has let them run dry and I can see the bottom of my biscuit barrel.  However, I have noticed that a large quantity of steamed chicken has arrived, so I am OK Jack! It's just the others, what will they eat whilst I roll about in my chicken heaven?

I feel that selling all our unopened Noms is a bit rash don't you?  What if there is a delay in our new food and what if the new food doesn't suit our tummies and what if we don't like it (yeah right) and what if we don't like the colour of the packaging and what if we can't read the instructions because they are all in German and what if Mr.Zeus throws it up because his tummy is delicate and what if Lillibet decides that she doesn't like fish and what if Faith just walks off in a huff? (she does that a lot) Well I am under no illusions that they will all starve and I will feast like the King that I am! 

Until our new Noms arrive then... and if they don't, my paw is hovering over the speed dial for CatLine!

KS =^..^=

WINNERS ROW

Our little home bred Lillibet had her first day out at the Shorthaired Cat Club yesterday. She managed to bring home a red rosette to match that of Faith's success as a kitten.  She was the cutest kitten on the day and Momma was very proud of her.  

At home, Faith was left with no kittens at all and she was quite upset all day that Momma took her last baby.  Momma tried to explain that she was going in the 'show basket' and not the disappear forever box.  She had still not forgiven Momma for taking Jaz & James away.  ManSlave stayed at home with her and that at least meant that we were not too starving when she got home.

Faith did hiss at Lillibet and screamed at Momma when Momma touched her, she is so angry.  I said 'Yo babe, why are you so angry?'  She just huffed at me like I should know!  I don't know, I don't get it.  Momma comes home and brings fresh catnip toys, so what's the problem?  Well after a short while and the Valerian kicked in, she came round a bit and even had a tiny purr.  She then chased Lillibet all over the house and then came down and chirruped at me that she felt better after scolding her Daughter for being away.  Lillibet washed Faith's face and Faith mellowed considerably!

Little Lillibet has been very tired today and has been snuggled up to Mr.Zeus all day.  Well she had 'his' bed and his blankie and his heated pad.  I guess he felt he could share.  Now this little madam seems to be getting what she wants of late and even gave me a spit and a hiss whilst I was balanced on the cat post looking down at her.  In one breath, I was looking up at her and she was glaring at me telling me off by thwakking my head to make me get down... It's too much hassle to argue, so I did as I was bid - Well she is rather cute with it, I shall let her off this time, only because she got a First Prize in her Open Class!

=^..^=

NOT AN OUNCE OF DIFFERENCE

Ok, so you humans feel that you have to go on these strange faddy diets after the binge of Christmas, well as you can see, I for one will not be entertaining any dieting to my health regime! I am both svelt and handsome in equal amounts and this is due of course to my stunning physique. Who needs to diet when I have Momma making sure that bowl has just the right amount of kibble in it to keep this figure in tip top condition.  No matter how I YAWP and create, I never seem to get fed any more!  I am sure that I could squeeze another can of steamed chicken into my temple of a body!  Allegedly, I get fed enough for two cats - well that's what the packets say! 2x85g steamed chicken tins and 90g of biscuit are enough to sustain two average cats - since when have I been average?  I have a metabolism rate of a Short Tailed Shrew, which passes out if it goes 10 minutes without eating!  I can devour enough for 5 cats and see no ill effects at all, well except in the litter tray and that's where my New Years resolutions rears it's head - never step back in the dirt box!  Happy New Ears to you and yours.

KS =^..^=