OPEN TO THE ELEMENTS:-
After numerous escapes over the last year, the Parentals decided that really something needed to be done to curb our wanderings. Fresh air is very important in any cat house as we do make a few stinkies in out litter boxes! The air would be a stagnant yuck if left for long periods of time and we would soon expire without new oxygen to fill our carbon dioxide filled lungs. I know more about this than anyone and frequently I am found pressing my sniffer under my bedroom door for some kind of relief in the early hours. Well Pea and Venison food is all very well, but the stench it creates is second to non. YAWP!
So look what the Momma found, some amazing velcro fiberglass panels made by Flat-Cats. Now these are genius and much better than the voiles with velcro that Momma use last year, especially as Mr.Zeus had munched a hole in one big enough for a baby Lillibet to crawl through. They just were not sturdy enough for our talented paws to ruffle and slip through. Well Flat-Cats have this great design with velcro all the way around and there is no way any of us can get through that stuff and I have to say, the CatWomen have tried quite hard. We have all resided to just sitting at the open windows and watching the world go by. Only two rooms have been done so far, so by next Summer, it looks like every room will have a net window and what a through draft we will get on hot summer nights!
There hasn't been a downside yet, but me being me, always has to Yawp at something and today it's come to my attention that the Sunday Roast just wasn't smelling like it normally does... it's atomic structure has been altered and the molecular formula of meat roasting has been diluted with copious amounts ofO2*. Well this isn't on! I am going to have to create me a diversion and I think a little CH4** right now will make them race for the door and hopefully leave that delicious Roast unattended just long enough for me to get my licker around it!
NO CHANGE THERE THEN:-
Well I never, the Parentals arrived home from a day away and they smelled of some one we all recognised - Mr.Zeus, or Mr.Zee as he is know known.
The Parentals had great stories to tell about how 'good' & 'cleaver' he has been whilst living at his new home. He has learned to turn on the taps in the Kitchen which emptied the entire contents of the hot water cylinder and slightly flooded the place. No change there then!
He is allowed to go walkies on a harness and often his Keeper takes him out in the car and for a wander around their garden. On one particular afternoon, Mr Zee fancied a different route to the one he was being taken on and REALLY wanted to go under the gate - hims did bit and scratch and grump at his Keeper - hims got a smack on the bum, them hims grumbled some more. No change there then!
Because he has the taste of freedom, he has also worked out how to open the front door and let himself out for a wander. His Keeper snaffled him back into the house... the door now has to be kept locked at all times. No change there then!
When the Parentals arrived, the Keeper wasn't home and Mr.Zee was waving at them through the window, he head butted the window and promptly 'slipped off' the non existent sill. He is clutz at times. No Change there then!
Once the Parentals were inside, he ha cuddles and fuss and lay on the floor purring and being silly, racing about showing off and being his usual charming self, laying upside down having rasberries blown on his belly. It wasn't until the Parentals went to leave that he raced up the stairs, looked around the newael post and squeaked and chattered and ran off. Big change there then!
We are all so happy that this super little guy has found a place in life where he is happy and the boss of a whole family and can, within reason, do pretty much what he wants. No change there then!
THE BLAME GAME:-
First of all, I didn't do it (what ever it was...)
Well, if trusting ManSlaves will leave soup on the worktop whilst the other soup is cooking in the microwave, then my licker is bound to be drawn in for a taste. I tried to fain innocence but I had a very orange nose! Ooops, I had to own up. darn it, I was going to blame it on Lillibet!
Blaming things of others is a great cat pass time. Momma has been looking after a number of fluffs in the form of Boucles Selkirk Rexs. Oh my how they pass the blame in their house. Momma went in to find ikky all over the Boucles house. Sparkles points at Turtle, who was the culprit, and in turn she pointed at poor PLC, the new kitten, who has now gone into hiding and is doing a great impression of a blinking table lamp. Then Momma visits the 5 boys outside, there are four 'furballs' laying in various areas of the run. Schmoo points to Quando, who points at Moosh, who points at Stan who points at Boblett. Poor Bob, he hangs his head and hides under the shelf in shame.
Blame can be very useful when you have done something wrong and want to pin it on another cat. Lillibet is quite good at it. She does something incredibly cute that goes wrong and instantly she blames the item of furniture that made her look silly. Just the other day she flew up the cat post, dangled from one paw and swung her self up into the crows nest, which promptly bumped her over the edge because it's been re-padded. Oh how mad was she? She ran back up and proceeded to Thwak it very hard indeed. I had better watch my step!
OOH LA LA AND ALL THAT JAZZ:-
I knew something was wrong when I saw the orange ruck sacks being packed, this usually means a longer trip away for the Parentals. The overnight bag is black, I am one smart cookie when it comes to what the Parentals are up to. Include in that a visit from Uncle Paul... Bingo - holiday. Traitors!
Well, it concludes that they left for the South of France to visit Faith's Kittens as all three, Jasmine, Jamie & Lillibet are a year old today! They took a few choice items with them, namely collars and catnip, both of which I got to try for size. The catnip fitted very nicely thank you!
Jaz and Jamie are full of beans, Jamie often writes to me about all sorts of things but mainly how well looked after they are. Momma just had to see it for herself and she wasn't disappointed at all! They are fed better than we are, have a balcony, toys and get to go out in David's Jeep and Eva cooks every night for them and they live in the lap of luxury. They don't drink water, but Champagne from cut crystal flutes and dine on steak, racks of lamb and salmon brought in especially from their homeland of Ireland. They prance about in Velvet collars and speak fluent French. I really don't think there is any more to say about the fact that they are spoiled rotten and are doing very well at lapping it all up.
Lillibet on the other hand is like a small urchin having the leftover chicken occasionally and just plain old kibble. I haven't told her how her Brother & Sister are living or she may start to want more. She is happy not knowing. Momma made her a special cake with a candle and she blew it out and mad a wish. I only hope she didn't wish for the Salmon Eva sent home with Momma... It's gone!
THE OUTSIDE WORLD:-
Things that happen beyond the boundaries of our CatPod seem to be much more exciting than things that happen inside at times. There are Hedgehogs, Ipek the Garden Cat, dogs next door, birds, the occasional mouse and of course ME!
ME, I hear you saying! Well, the CatWomen are driving me mad with their Yawping and Faith seems to be the one who is always snuggling her bottom into my face and wanting me to 'do things' to her. I have had enough and made a perfectly good escape. I took my usual route and chose my escape partner wisely. I chose GrandMewMew!
GrandMewMew found our home very warm and opened the bathroom window a little to get some air, me being a smart boy, heard the window open and waited for GrandMewMew to apply her war paint in the mirror and I took the opportunity to slip through the slightly open window and down onto the roof below and trot across to the gate and down onto the shed and slipped down the side of the CatPod where immediately the CatWomen spotted me and started screaming for me to come back and 'service them'. NO WAY! I was out and about and busy making friends with the lovely Ipek, she let me kiss her and put my paw around her shoulder before giving me a clout around the face, women, I just don't get them. Well, I had me an hour outside in the garden, enjoying myself and collecting insects and spiders. But when I was finally caught outside, I had me an allergy again, something has made me sneezy and made my eyes runny. Now I know why I am not meant to be wandering around in the wilderness - I get sick! But, it was great whilst it lasted and even though I feel a tad sorry for myself, I know that I am one step ahead of the Parentals at all times and smarter that the average cat.
SLAP AND TICKLE:-
Again, there is a lack of a Sunday Lunch and more of a Sunday express lunch - ManSlave rustled 8 slices of ready made beef from the supermarket, it was perfect, all red and delicious. I however, didn't get any. YAWP.
But I did get a few licks of different things throughout the day. One was the gravy jug of which I got a smarting slap on my arse with the Sunday paper and then I had me a lick of the potato water as it cooled. Again, I got a smart slap on the arse. And later in the afternoon, whilst Momma took a nap, I did have me a lick of strawberry jam from her knife as she slept and just as my licker made for the other side of the knife, a hand came out of nowhere and slapped my butt! How did she wake up? I was uber quiet and stealthy. I had to put my Licker into practice later on this evening too because ManSlave made some pakchoi in soy sauce and he didn't rinse the pan out properly, so I figured I had better get rid of the evidence for him so that he didn't get into trouble.... trouble, down came the tea towel on my backside.
For some of you, you may think that getting my arse slapped so often would put me off using my Licker, but really it doesn't and I quite like it. I run to the stairs and chatter with my bum held in the air for a few more strokes with newpaper, towel or anything else I may get slapped with. I back chat and roll about on my head, all the time keeping eye contact and making the Parentals laugh. I know how to get them going and they are never mad for long. Ok, so some could say that I am beaten and the Stockholm Effect is taking place and I love my captures'. Well, I do love them and love me, even with my naughty misbehaving Licker, it's what makes me unique and purrfect and just the way they like me!
HOW LONG IS A PIECE OF STRING:-
The CatWomen have been so funny but they are now in the dog house! Lillibet has a piece of nylon string from an old cat dangler, it's kept in the side draw of ManSlaves bed. The two of them love to play fetch with it and as long as at the end of the game it is returned to the draw, all is well. Today was a busy day, GrandMewMew was staying as her and Momma were off to watch The Lion King at the Theatre and the string was not returned to the draw, but left out on the stairs.
When everyone came home in the evening the string was only half it's size? The Parentals hunted the whole house for it and came to the conclusion that Faith ha eaten it as Lillibet doesn't chew things. So Faith had a dose of warm salty water in the hope that she may bring the string up from the depths. Nothing but her lunch arrived on the bathroom floor, no string.
Forward a few days and Momma is still searching for the illusive string in the 'chocolate gold' - she calls it this as she sifts daily in the litter in the hope of finding real gold! But alas, it is still missing but all is well with all of us. We are doing all the usual things, eating, sleeping, creating chocolate gold. Momma has come to the conclusion that Faith and Lillibet wanted a piece each and halved the string and hid the other piece 'somewhere'. Uncle Paul is looking after us in a few days, he has been alerted to the search and is ready for all things 'string'. After Mr.Zeus's episode with the ribbon, you really would think that the Parentals would have learned their lesson. Humans ::shakes head::
WOT NO ROAST:-
It is totally unbelievable that yet another Sunday where there is no Roast in the oven, as soon as the Orb makes it's appearance, then there is all sorts of strange food being concocted and today it was the choice of home made burgers. OK so it's still meat, but the cooking time is over and done with and I don't get a chance to wake from my morning slumber to the long lasting aromas of something bigger. Nope, they don't even make the oven, they are laid out unceremoniously on the griddle and flipped this way and that, put on a plate and devoured without a thought for my Feline digestive system needing it's fix.
Then to top it all off, they had salad... YAWP! How is a cat to enjoy his Sunday when lunch is over in a jiffy. By the time the condiments came out, I was dancing across the floor in anticipation of some burger and by the time they sat at the table I was whisked off it to make room for plates. Well, of course, we are not meant to be on the table during dinner, but if you sit still and don't steal, you get to stay and you are occasionally mistaken for the pepper grinder, but that gets a bit much after the first time of having your head screwed off!
Well, I am with the relish; I relish the thought of eating their burgers, I relish the challenge of stealing their burgers by extending my neck like a turtle and I relish the fact that I could if I really wanted to... but I don't relish the slapped arse!
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