Fish is easy, it comes out of a tin, one pull, a quick drain and squished on a tray and sloshed down with a side of scales and extras that stick to your licker. We all spit out the little teeny tiny white bits that run down the middle of those little fishies. The only reason we do is this is because Momma detests cleaning up these gritty little suckers. Takes her back to salmon and cucumber sandwiches on the lawn, with the left over bits of salmon middles around the plate. Shudder. See, runs in families!
Meat is a bit harder to get sorted unless Momma buys it minced already, but those big beef chest thumpers and lambs tickers don't come neatly diced and packaged, she has to chop those. So, on Sunday a new machine arrived, a mincing machine. It looks rather fancy and makes more noise than the vacuum but less than the hair dryer, so it is worth investigating for sure and the fact that meat goes in one end and mince comes out of the other end just makes it better than any other household item in my eyes.
It hadn't been here for more that 10minutes and it was already put to good use. There was an old brisket lounging about in the freezer, it had been lost in the far reaches of the deep freeze and with a light trim all over from frost bite it was more than edible for us felines. I tasted a few trimmings, they were fine, maybe a little lacking in the vitamin department is all. Momma cubed it and started to push it down a long silver tube, this in turn took it to a bowl where it was ready to eat. Well, it would be rude not to try some, so Lionel being the bravest nipped in for a taste. It was a thumbs up from him. His Sisters joined him and everyone was soon tucking in.
I was getting worried. This is not the behaviour of Maystar felines. We are NOT to steal or beg or borrow even. But there they all were, all three of them just chowing down on a bit of fatty brisket. I must work out just how this contraption works as it looks to be running low at the exit. I try to feed more meat in the top with my paw and at one point I tried to push it about with my licker as it was slippery and I couldn't get a grip. Down the hole it went. Blimey, good job my paw didn't follow that down the silver tube or else I might have been cat meat! Momma said I was a chump as it was turned off and unplugged and I was a drama queen. Pfft. Nothing like a bit of drama to get your shin stuck on the blade. Ignore the pun before I chuck another at you!
Momma has now minced everything in sight and even sent ManSlave out for more supplies. The freezer must be full at all times with at least one tray of meat in rotation. One tray is equal to 900g. It is quite a science you know. That 900g lasts us approximately 2days so it it very important not to let stocks run low. It is also important to have variety. At first Minicats are all fed just Turkey, minced beef and a little pork for fat, then the pork is removed to make sure they don't get too fat. Miced lamb is added, but slowly at first, it has a strong flavour. Especially that favoured Welsh Lamb. That can blow your brains out. We don't much like the Irish beef, not that we will be very popular for saying so, but you can really get your teeth stuck in that stuff. I swear the Irish keep the best cuts and send us Devon's the scrag end. We shall ask Jaz and Jamie to investigate. As far as turkey is concerned it has to be Norfolk and nothing else will do. Nothing with too many air miles on it that's for sure! None of your Alpaca, Buffalow, Camel or Crocodile here, just good British Stock. Momma is a stippler for happy meat and that extends to ours too.
That's why we have to eat the JWB particular brand of food. It is made in the UK and no import duties will be added if we ever get that Brexit thing. I think that is a type of kibble? I am not really sure what importing is either. I thought that was something to do with the computer or is that in-port? I think I misheard? Export we can do... we do lots of that in the form of chocolate gold. It is imperative to export all this good quality meat so that Momma knows just how much we appreciate it. Ahh, I think I just figured out importing - that must be where the food goes in!
With lots of loyal and loving whiskery kisses from your Queen and Countryside.
Queen Vee =^..^=