BEHIND BARS

Well it's that time of the year again where we can spend all day in the CatPod and the days are longer and warmer than ever, well this week at any rate.  Today was the first day of the hot hot Orb and some decent Orb bathing. It's so nice to feel the cool breeze from the side of the house as it blows through our CatPod, it's just perfect with it's UVA Orb protection roof covering and sides. We have all spent the whole day lounging in the heat, safe in the knowledge that we won't burn, especially me and my pink skin.

Lillibet has really enjoyed her self and it's great to see her racing up and down and playing in her tunnels and now, climbing the wire!  This of course, she learned from Faith. Every morning Faith climbs to the top of the cage and de-webs the CatPod.  Lillibet doesn't see the fascination of eating spiders or their webs, thinks it's much more fun to scream at full volume to anyone that is outside the CatPod, such as the Parentals or Garden Cats! She hates it when she is left and between her and her Mother, they can get into quite a Yawping match.  I have to admit that I do enjoy a good Yawp of my own and join in just because I can.   But generally, we enjoy the time out and just lay on the decking or the shelving. 

I have had many posts on FB appreciating the amount of Orb Worship I have been up to and how much I have managed to spread around the World for my friends.  So thank you everyone for your messages, I really love the fact that I have a handle on the Orb around our planet - the only problem is, I can't hold out all this Worship forever, it will soon revert back to the 'norm'

KS =^..^=

SHARING THE BLAME

It was only Thursday that I mentioned on Facebook that I had failed in my duties as an Orb Worshiper and then I had a number of posts actually blaming me for the amount of damps, not just here in the UK, but all over the World!  "I Have broad shoulders" I said, "I can take it" and then promptly spent the following day Orb Worshiping like a crazy thing to make sure that at least some of the World had sun.  I think I Worshiped a little too hard as the temperature in Ylitornio, Lapland yesterday was 29 degrees the highest temperature ever recorded in May.  Next, I will be blamed for Global Warming... well anything is warmer than the Ice Age and I sure wasn't around then so can't get the blame for that.... can I?

All this Orbtastic conversation has lured me away from the already penetrating smell of a little piece of Saddleback cooking away.  I know some veggies among you feel that my meat antics are cruel and mean, well I can tell you first hand that the Parentals only purchase free range meat and all sourced locally or in the case of the Lamb...WALES (my first home and that of the Parentals!) The thought of little piggies roaming the Orchards in the Summer & Autumn months and then all tucked up in deep straw beds in winter makes me comforted that the smell I can smell now is one of a truly, if once happy, pig.  Now, usually we don't get to taste the piggie, the piece is that small I can barely see it in the oven and the light is faulty and it's hidden in the depths of the roasting tin.  If I stretch up onto the oven and place my paws on the handle, I could use my weight to drag it down, but alas the hinges are outsmarting me... I need an accomplice.... Oh Lillibet, come here love and pull on this tea towel whilst I dangle in and reach for the piggie.  She is having none of it, she doesn't want the blame and no reward... shucks, she is growing up!

KS =^..^=

ORB-DAYTIOUS

Serious amounts of Orb Shine here over our CatPod.  It has shone all day with out Orb Cover and on a weekend.  The only issue is that cold meats and salad were on the menu today instead of the usual roast dinner. Although a bonus bit of raw turkey mince sauntered my way last night as Momma threw bits of it to us whilst we gathered at her feet.  Lillibet and Faith were non plussed by the gloopy stuff falling from the sky, but my licker made good any that went awry. Today we got morsels of ham fat and lettuce.... phaaaa, well, I did try a bit but I really only did it to please, honest!

So the Orbtastic weather has brought out it's Orbness in all her glory, shining down on the Worshipers with such Orbosity that one needed shades to fend of the Orbatious rays. Some say that *Orbage has occurred, but on looking up the word in the modern dictionary it only serves that women all over the country have maybe exposed theirs to the Orbtasical wonder that is our Universe, but I kept mine safely covered. Well I don't want to expose myself so much that the frenzied Maystar Women indulge their passion for head sitting and bum waggling do I?.  Orb is Orb in any form and the luxury and happiness it brings is Orbalicious! I for one an glad I stuck to my original plan of Worship or be Worshiped!

KS =^..^=

*Just like cleavage but when more of the full three dimensional nature of the boobs is on display.  Taken from the Urban Dictionary 2012

ODE TO THE ORB

When you shine your Orb Light down
It makes me bow and remove my crown
I love the way you warm my torso 
Oh Orb, I love you all the more so
Come shine your special Orb light on me
Shine so much, I can not see
I am blinded by my love for you
In your light I sit and mew...

The more I Worship the more I gain
sometimes, oh Orb, you wax and wane
I sit and wait for your seductive light
I have made it my eternal right
You are my Orb forever more
Shine down on me through window and open door

Come into my home and bless my soul
Enrich my life and make me whole
Shine on my friends and make them jolly
Your love for me, I know, it's folly
I see you venture to pastures new
The Orb Cover comes and spoils my view

I try so hard to be a good student
I sit and wait and be very prudent
But some days you do not come at all
I patiently wait in the lower hall
For a glimpse of your round and loving light
Because soon it will be dark and moonless night

I can't wait another day
For you to finally come my way
I need you Orb, you know it's true
I will Yawp and Yawp until I am blue
I will stamp my tiny paws up and down
Then relent, and readjust my crown.

You may not be here tomorrow
My heart already fills with sorrow
But one day you will treat me fair
I will be waiting for you all naked and bare
I will be ready with my lotion on
Ready for you oh gracious one

KS =^..^=

VENTING MY FRUSTRATIONS
The Orb has finally made an appearance this week, it has made all my hard work and effort Orb Worshiping all the more worthwhile.  It has been aided by a little piece of Calcite or Iceland Spa.  For those following the news, a big chunk was discovered in an Elizabethan ship, scientists think that the Vikings used it to depict where the Orb was on an Orb Cover day! For goodness sakes, these scientists are behind the times you know, we have a heart shaped piece of Calcite sitting in my favourite Orb Worshiping spot and each day I move around following the birefringence, which splits light beams in a way that can reveal the direction of my precious Orb Rays with a high degree of accuracy. Who needs scientists when you have Momma Sloth and her magical rocks.

Talking of rocks, I couldn't believe my huge ears when I filtered some profound information on what humans are going to do under the sea. I mean I am partial to a bit of fish and I find it hard to believe that more scientists are going to scour our sea beds for mineral deposits and destroy million year old hydrothermal vents for some copper and other minerals.  This could could prove catastrophic for seabed ecology and the fish I eat. They could be choked by silts and dust making the oceans dirty and raped of all it's nutrients.  I think that Huge Fernley-Whittingstall has a point in this Fish Fight thing... Fish should fight for their rights and I for one will be keeping a close eye on the travesty of our Governments race for power in the sea mineral expedition.  It breaks my heart to know that they only just found these million year old vents, now some sucker wants to make a million destroying them with their 'benign' methods of 'Dredging'. Time will tell as will my empty bowl of fish flakes. Billions and billions of tiny creatures will lose their hi-rise vented apartments and what do they get for it? Being able to watch their magnificent world fall apart. I don't envy those shrimps or the tube worms, they had better start packing their tiny bags and get the hell out of there before they loose everything!

KS =^..^=

TO PEE OR NOT TO PEE?

Remember a few posts back when I was meant to pee in a pink litter tray full of plastic beads? Well, in short, it never happened.  Momma tried to confine me to a small pen with just me and the tray, but I refused to entertain her with a sample for her 'Tinkle Test'.  I had forgotten all about it in fact and thought, WOW that was an easy get out of... just don't go!

It's been a few weeks, the CatPod has been made available for forays out on nice days in the Orbs rays, warming our bodies and reminding us of what is to come our way in the way of a nice Summer? I was sitting outside, contemplating and watching the birdies feed when the urge to tinkle came over me and off I trotted to the cat tray where I shuffled the quality fullers earth to my liking and poked my pinky into the pre-dug dip and proceeded to pee.

OMC! What the heck are you doing? I made a noise between a YAWP and a moan because I was in mid flow when Momma plonks a tiny Spode plate beneath my pinky to catch a specimen of my yellow stuff. I can't help it, I am still piddling and close my eyes making this awful sound, I am turning pink with embarrassment. The audacity of this woman is beyond me. Is there no privacy in this world?  If it's not kittens peeking at you in the kitty litter then it's this mad deranged middle aged woman with ideas above her station about how to attain a urine sample when I have clearly stated that it was a no go area! As i have mentioned before, what's in it for me? As far as I can see, only the shame and berating from my peers is what's in it for me.  

When I finally finish and leave her with a mini plate of tepid liquid, I do a circuit of the house, screaming and YAWPING like I have been set on fire... I am on fire, I am enraged and shout and holler for a good 20mins to make sure everyone knows what travesty has been bestowed on me.  Momma whisks said sample to the vets, it tested and she arrives home with a look.... She lifts me up, looks me in the eye, plants a kiss on my forehed and says "you are all clear Slinky".  That's what's in it for me, a kiss and a cuddle. So it was worth all the shame after all.

KS =^..^=

EVERYONE HAS A VALENTINE

As you know I am a big ORB Worshiper and yet over the last few weeks there has been nothing but Orb Cover and some damp white fluffy stuff. Yesterday, I saw a wonderful Orb Rise and wondered if it may continue?  It didn't the damp white stuff proliferated our world again.

So, I ask what to Worship next? I am waiting and waiting here by the kitchen window and it feels I should be worshiping Orb Cover instead of the Orb it's self!  In all of this, waiting, I am constantly being harassed by two mad women that follow me around like some crazy fans after their Pop Idol.  It is both annoying and bothersome when occasionally Faith takes to 'sitting on me head'.  I have tried to bite her bum, but she goes into a frenzy of rolling and chirruping.  I just can't win.  

Now up until yesterday, I had been a bit poorly (but that is another story) and I had told Momma 'I am fed up with these women sitting on my head".  So she made a special extra large paper Icon of me so that Faith & Lillibet could throw themselves at my feet and worship me and sit on me without me even having to be there, leaving me to do more important things like check out the kitchen sides for a missed morsel. After the week I have had, there is no way I am missing a meal again. YAWP!  

So that was that and it worked I tell you, they came, they saw they worshiped and I could watch from a safe distance and not even be involved.  I quite like my new image with the bright green eyes and yesterday we had a little chat about the weather. He doesn't say much this papery fellow, but he sure is taking the heat of the real King Slinky.  Now to see about finding me a valentine for today.... after all this shunning of women there is only Mr.Zeus left.  Oh Mr. Zeus, do you fancy a little tete-a-tete over a few shrimps and a beer?


KS =^..^=

SO MANY UPDATES - SO LITTLE TIME!
I have to say that I am somewhat behind on my updates because the new additions in the house have caused a real stir.  Firstly, meals for basement cats were being neglected, I am meant to be on 6 small meals a day, well that didn't happen, I was only getting four! (can feel a phone call coming on!) and then, to add insult to injury, ManSlave was taught what us basement cats get fed.  The routine is all over the place whilst ManSlave gets the hang of our deviousness in the Kitchen.

Since I have been on the 'pills' I do feel a little better and my coat is shiny white and my ears are sparkly, I am still a little skinny, but slowly, my little villi in my tummy are behaving and I am not so YAWPY!  Although, all this talk of kitten milk is making me very, very YAWPY indeed.  But even I have to admit, I feel better, but I am not letting on to ManSlave just yet, he can suffer my YAWPING for a lot longer than Momma can!

So what do you notice about my stunning body in my photo?  Well, I shall tell you, it's bathed in Orb rays.  Yup, the one and only Orb made it's appearance in  the side window and shone it's healing vitamin D at me (although can't can't soak up vit D like this, I like to contribute to science by testing it fully!) I feel healthy if not a little frisky and did a really silly thing today... I had me a mad dash around the house YAWPING at the tops of my lungs, then launched myself onto the cat post and missed it totally!  How on earth I managed that embarrassing feat I will never know and before you know it everyone was rolling around on the floor laughing at me!  TomFun got a good Thwakking with my thunder paw as I ran past hiding my shame and turning a very pretty shade of puce!
KS =^..^= 

SOMETHINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE

What can I say - my Orb Worshiping has paid off. Today all Orb Cover was suspended for the afternoon and The Pride all made good use of the Orb Pools on the bed.

Of course I had the best spot and Faith had to muscle in on it, but she is sweet to me, so I let her stay.  Mr.Zeus is warming his hairy little body on Momma's side of the bed, it's sort of 'the best spot' for the smell of her and the dominant position in the house - It's a Thwakable offense by me!

Ode to the Orb, my love, my hope, my deams - you make my food grow, my spirit soar and my life complete.

KS =^..^=

THE SIGNS ARE ALL GOOD!

This is it, we have waited 21 days for this little pink nipple to arrive.  Well in effect Momma has waited a few years for this pink nipple moment!

This does of course mean that Bubba Faith is indeed carrying her very own set of Bubbas!  It also means that TomFun has lost the best playmate he ever had as now Faith loathes him.  It's such a shame, she doesn't suit being growly, but I guess she is just protecting her assets!

I of course now am getting a bit worried because of the amount of food that is being devoured and not by me!  We are all back on 4 small meals a day!  Whoop whoop.  Momma said it's unfair to have TomFun & Faith on 4 meals a day whilst Mr. Zeus and I starve - quite gracious really.  I have also noticed that Faith is being offered all sorts of goodies that never seem to pass my lips?  There is going to be months of this now - how will I cope?

KS =^..^=

We have two heated beds in our house.... A really big one, enough for 4 or 5 of us and this one, really only big enough for one or two.  But since the new addition of TomFun, who has taken over the 'big bed' all us have to squidge into the 'small' bed.  Why is it that the smallest cat in the household is also the strongest willed and has decided that he should have the 'big' bed all to himself and his best friend Ratty. 

We will of course manage ok.  We think that Mr. Zeus is finally been knocked down the pecking order and is asking for more cuddles and fusses from everyone... except TomFun who he doesn't mind playing with as long as TomFun doesn't touch him.  He really hates being headlocked and the other afternoon we found him cowering at the top of the stairs whilst TomFun was thwaking with his paw - getting Mr.Zeus back for a set-to not five minutes earlier! 

Faith will be showing her face at the Wiltshire & District Cat Show on Saturday, she will be on Exhibition to represent the launch of the Maystar Devon Rex website earlier in June.  She has spent 3 days in front of the mirror deciding on which diamonte collar to wear!  It's been awhile since she was out in public and although a little nervous about the 2 hour drive and a full day being peered at, I am sure she will lap up the lovely comments.

I know I have been a bad cat and not been updating the blog, but it's been a crazy few weeks and recently we lost a dear human friend so the typist has been very busy with daily visiting.  Each day Momma would either take Faith or TomFun over the road to see Ilaine and tell her all that they had been up to.  It was nice for us felines to help.

Right, looks like the 'Orb' is going to make it's appearance today so I must get into position and wait for it's arrival in the back window, I can also smell cheese toasties cooking so don't know now, what is more important, those or 'Orb Worship'.  Well I doubt very much that my yawping will get me a cheese toastie, especially as I stole salad dressing yesterday... so maybe I will just stick to sunning my naked bits!

S =^..^=